


Initial Instinct

by rose_sunrise



Category: Smash (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Kyle Lives, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-23
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2017-12-12 16:48:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/813785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rose_sunrise/pseuds/rose_sunrise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU in which Kyle decides to trust his gut feeling long enough to reconsider confronting Jimmy in the midst of a drug-fuelled rage. He asks for another opinion, gets some superior advice and waits until morning. Therefore, he never gets hit by a car. Kyle lives. Tom x Kyle</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: A split second decision that changes everything

Anger and frustration flashing over his face after that awful scene Jimmy had caused, Kyle rushed home and began to shove Jimmy's things into a duffel bag. Blake had left him a voicemail; dumping him cold before he'd even got home or tried to explain. When the brightness of his anger had faded a little, Kyle ended up staring at a photo strip of Jimmy and himself, pulling silly faces and having fun together. He froze for a split second, pressing his lips tightly together as he wondered to himself what the hell he was doing. Was this a good idea? He'd tried everything else to fix Jimmy, so kicking him out might be a good idea, yet his initial instinct had been to wait until morning. That way Kyle would have a chance to calm down and Jimmy would have sobered up and come down from whatever he'd taken. But, Ana and Karen had seemed convinced he should talk to Jimmy tonight, so he wasn't sure what he should do. He was used to dealing with Jimmy when he was strung out, used to chasing after him and cleaning up his messes. And Kyle knew that you couldn't get a word through Jimmy's skull when he was high. He would just lash out at you, make you feel even worse and not listen at all. It was usually better to wait until he'd come down, much easier to reason with him after that.

Sighing, Kyle decided to take a break from packing to think about it. He should really call Tom anyway. They'd been supposed to meet up tonight and since he didn't feel like seeing anyone, it would only be polite to call and cancel.

Tom picked up his phone quickly, saying cheerily "Hi Kyle. Not that I'm not pleased to hear from you but aren't we supposed to be meeting up in a couple of hours?" 

Kyle winced and replied "Hi Tom. About that, I'm not feeling up to doing anything tonight."

Frowning, Tom responded "Hey, that's fine Kyle, but is something wrong? You sound off somehow." He paused, twitching his mouth to the right in thought before deciding to continue. "Plus, you seemed excited when we made plans yesterday. I mean, if you don't want to keep seeing me, that's fine, just let me know. You don't even have to explain. But if that's not why you're cancelling, if something's wrong, I'd like to know that too. So, is everything alright?"

Closing his eyes in resignation, Kyle returned "Yeah, I'm fine. It's not you, you're pretty great, Tom, and I'd like to reschedule. It's just..." he trailed off and took a deep breath. 

Tom gently prompted him with "It's just what, Kyle?" 

"Jimmy. It's Jimmy" Kyle said firmly as he wondered to himself if maybe Tom could help. He'd been in the industry long enough that he'd probably run into someone with drug problems before and he might be able to offer some advice. Decision made, Kyle started rambling, gripping tightly to his phone "He's a mess and I just don't know what to do any more. I was planning on kicking him out tonight, I was halfway through packing his stuff and Ana and Karen said I should confront him tonight. That I should do it before I lose my nerve, but I don't know. He's high and he screwed everything up tonight, the show and Blake and Karen and me. I'm upset and I want to kick him out but I think I should wait until he's sobered up." Frustrated tears rising to his eyes, Kyle continued "I don't know. I've tried everything. I've yelled at him about his drug use. I've flushed his stash down the toilet. When that didn't work, I tried a gentler approach, trying to be supportive and get him to cut down on his drug use gradually. I've tried to reason with him, appeal to him intellectually. I know he's smart enough to understand that he can't keep doing this! I've patted his back when he's throwing up at all hours and told him he's going to be fine and let him scream at me at 4AM in the morning. I've run around the city all night trying to find him when he didn't come home after his latest bender. I have dragged his sorry ass out of the gutter, cleaned him up, given him a place to stay and made sure he kept a job. I've tried everything!" he yelled. Voice lowering a little, he cried out helplessly with pain swimming through his eyes "And nothing seems to work. Nothing! He gets better for a while, and he apologises and promises that things will change, but they never do. It's just the same thing over and over again and I can't take it any more! I want my best friend back, not to deal with this, this shell that blames the world for everything and lashes out at everyone but won't grow up and do a damn thing to help himself." Kyle cut his rant off abruptly, staring down at the floor with pursed lips and adding in a defeated tone "Oh God, I'm sorry Tom. I just called to cancel tonight, not to yell at you. As you can hear, I'm not really fit for company at the moment. But then I thought you might be able to help and I just started rambling. I didn't mean to go off on you like that. So, sorry again, and um, rain check?"

Tom waited a moment, eyebrows raised and mouth still parted in shock as he waited to see if Kyle had finished talking. Quickly composing his expression, he spoke gently "Hey, it's fine Kyle. I wasn't expecting that, but you obviously needed to talk to someone. I'm glad you called me. I definitely agree that you should wait to confront Jimmy until he's come down from whatever he took. Kyle, Ana and Karen mean well, but it's generally not a good idea to try to reason with an addict if you have the option of waiting until they've cleaned and sobered up. He'll just lash out at you and it sounds like you already know that. It won't hurt to wait until tomorrow and it will give you a chance to calm down too. So, I think you did the right thing by stopping to think about it. I'm also glad that you feel comfortable enough with me to talk about this. Uh, can I ask what happened tonight to precipitate that little speech though? I'd like to help you, but I need to catch up first. I know he's your best friend and this has obviously been brewing for some time, but I'm assuming something in particular happened tonight?" Tom frowned as he waited for a response.

Kyle clenched his hands and declared, "Yeah, he was a complete jerk." Rolling his eyes, Kyle continued sarcastically "Classic Jimmy, when something doesn't go his way it's always somebody else's fault. It's not like he might have been fired for something he actually did, like going on a week long bender, turning up late constantly, costing us the cover of that magazine and topping it off tonight being high on stage and dropping Karen. She's fine but she was bleeding for God's sake!" Kyle stopped to take several deep breaths to cool his temper, forcing his hands open gradually and relaxing his death grip on his phone. "It was messed up. When I told him that he'd been fired and that I'd agreed it was the right thing to do, he got up on the bar in a room full of Broadway fans and Blake. Jimmy then started ranting that I'd screwed him over the second I'd had the chance. He decided it was a good idea to stand there and tell Blake that by the way, I'd been screwing you last week. He made it sound so sordid. I told him that in confidence and he decided to break my trust and tell the whole world!" Kyle finished breathing heavily as anger, frustration, embarrassment and pain coursed through him in equal measure.

Tom sighed, crossing his arms and commenting "Well, it's not ideal, but I can live with my name being dragged through the gossip pages for a few days. It won't be the first time and I'm not ashamed of being linked to you." Face twisting in hesitation, he stuttered slightly as he continued "Umm, Blake though, I thought you were going to break up with him. I know that we aren't exclusive, so I'm not mad. But I thought you said were going to break up with him after last time. Uh, I really like you and I was hoping when I saw you tonight that you'd be single and I could ask you on a date. Officially, I mean." 

Giving a huff of surprised laughter, Kyle enquired "Tom Levitt, are you seriously asking me to be your boyfriend now? After I just yelled at you for five minutes straight about my screwed-up best friend? You're a strange man, Levitt." Kyle spoke as he shook his head in amused disbelief. 

Tom's eyebrows were still furrowed uncertainly as he shrugged slightly and replied. "I like you. I'd hoped I'd made that obvious when I decided to serenade you in the middle of the night. But, it's fine if you don't want to. I'd still like to help. So, about Jimmy..." 

"Tom, wait a minute" Kyle interrupted with a slightly-crazed grin, mind unsure how to deal with the surprising joy of Tom's declaration after the night he'd had. "I didn't mean that I was saying no. Your timing is odd, but yes. I like you too and I'd like to try dating you. Apparently I like strange." 

Tom laughed softly before Kyle blushed slightly and continued "Ah, given the circumstances I think I'd better be clear that I mean yes to dating you exclusively." Nodding decisively, Kyle raised his voice in question, requesting "Now, can we get back to my unstable best friend, please?" 

Tom's lips swept up into a soft grin as he murmured warmly "Sure. Sure, we can do that. Kyle, I'm really happy you said yes."

They both stood still and quiet for a minute, just breathing and absorbing the moment with closed eyes as Kyle's lips moved into a small smile too. Taking a deep breath and snapping his eyes open and his mind back to the situation at hand, Tom asked softly "Actually, Kyle, why don't I come over and we can talk about Jimmy face-to-face? I know you said you weren't in the mood to meet up tonight, but it might take a while to talk this situation with Jimmy through. I'd prefer to see you rather than keep talking over the phone." He gave Kyle a moment to respond and then offered in an alluring tone "I could bring a bottle of wine. We could talk this whole thing over and discuss what you want to do next. Besides, I'd really like to kiss my brand new boyfriend tonight." He bit his bottom lip and continued "But, it's up to you. If you'd prefer to be alone tonight and just talk over the phone, that's fine. I'm good right here if that's what you want to do." Stretching the words out, he added carefully "Or, I can come over. So, what do you want?"

Bringing his hand up to skim tiredly through his hair, Kyle declared "Come over. Please. Red wine and a kiss from my new boyfriend sounds perfect after the night I've had. His name's Tom, you know. Nice guy" he joked, voice still a little strained but his eyes much brighter. 

Tom softly said with a grin, voice lilting up over the words "Is he now? That's good to know. Kyle, I'm going to head out now. Okay?" Grabbing his keys and swiftly choosing a bottle of wine from his cupboard, Tom's eyes widened in mild shock before he dropped his head into his hand briefly in resignation. "Um, after you give me directions, that is. You've always come here because I don't have a roommate to worry about and I've only just realised that I don't actually know your address." Smiling self-deprecatingly he observed "Which would absolutely come in handy when I try to find your place. Sorry, I'm such an idiot sometimes." 

Exhaling out a soft chuckle, Kyle remarked "Hey, don't worry about it Tom. I'll just give you the directions." Face slipping into a frown, he continued "After all, there's no need for me to go to your place this time to avoid Jimmy." 

With a wry smile, Tom said quietly "Yeah, I guess that won't be a problem tonight." After they'd exchanged directions, Tom said "I'll be there as soon as I can, okay Kyle? Just sit tight. And Kyle," he finished tenderly, "Thanks for calling me tonight. And for saying yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: So, I got distracted this week while writing the next chapter of Hospitals and Hope, and this happened. Obviously I couldn't use it for H&H since the premise was completely different, but the idea was pretty clear in my head so I ended up writing it anyway. I haven't got anything else planned for this one at the moment but I'm considering returning to this after H&H is done. Until then, it will have to stand as a one-shot. I hope you enjoyed it and I'd love to hear from you! Cheers, Rose.


	2. A moment to relax

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: So, apparently this didn't end up waiting until after I finished H&H. Oops. Oh well, I had some more ideas and decided to just go with it, so I hope you enjoy! Thanks for the feedback; it's lovely to hear from you and it's definitely great encouragement to keep writing! Cheers, Rose

Shortly after hanging up with Tom, Kyle found himself sitting on the couch with his legs crossed tightly beneath him. His head was reclined back at an awkward angle, the muscles in his neck protesting slightly at their treatment. Kyle knew his posture painted the dejected picture of his internal turmoil but he simply couldn't bring himself to care. There was no one else there to see it anyway. With a deep sigh and tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, Kyle unfolded his legs and brought them up to his chest. He hugged them tightly before dropping his head onto his knees. Kyle hoped Tom would hurry up and get here soon; he knew it would take a little time to get out to Brooklyn, but he really wanted to see Tom. With a warm rush of affection and a wistful smile, he thought about his new boyfriend and how much better he'd felt simply hearing Tom's voice over the phone. Tom was the only bright point in the terrible evening he'd had and Kyle really wanted to talk with him again.

Sitting in his apartment by himself, he felt increasingly jittery and unbalanced with each passing minute; worried over the right thing to do about Jimmy and thoroughly embarrassed and angry over the scene from the bar. After listening to Tom's advice, Kyle had finally felt secure in his hesitance to confront Jimmy tonight and decided to trust his initial instinct to wait until morning. However, he still desperately needed to talk to someone about what to do then and he trusted Tom. Kyle's relationship with his lifelong best friend was tearing apart at the seams, much like Jimmy himself, and Kyle felt completely at a loss about how to fix either. He was so exhausted from having to be the strong one for Jimmy all the time, day after day. Kyle wanted someone to support him for once, to be in his corner. He wouldn't even have minded so much if his unwavering support had affected Jimmy, had helped him to get better. Unfortunately as he'd told Tom, nothing seemed to work; nothing was ever enough.

Kyle sighed again, feeling utterly drained after the events of the evening. Problems with Jimmy aside, Kyle felt so ashamed that he had cheated on Blake. The fact that he didn't regret being with Tom only made him feel even guiltier. Kyle had always believed he was the kind of man who would never cheat on his boyfriend and now he felt disillusioned in his own character. Even though he knew Blake and he weren't serious and being with Tom felt incredibly right, Kyle was seriously disappointed in himself. He was also embarrassed and upset about most likely ending up in Broadway's gossip pages over the next few days. It wasn't the first time Jimmy had made a scene but before it had always passed relatively unnoticed because they were both completely unknown. Now that Hit List was doing well and in the public eye, Kyle couldn't expect that kind of scene to pass under the radar any more, though he felt absolutely terrible about dragging Tom and Blake through the mud with him. It wasn't helpful that Jimmy had intimated that Kyle was in love with Jimmy and that would be splashed around as well; the cliché of the gay guy hopelessly in love with his straight best friend.

God, why did Jimmy's default pain response have to be lashing out at anyone within reach? Why couldn't he have just yelled at Kyle later in private? He could have still been just as nasty, but at least it wouldn't have ended up in the news! Damn it! He frowned, pursing his lips tightly together. Well, to be fair to Jimmy, Kyle had cheated on Blake and that was his responsibility and his fault alone. All the same, Kyle would really have appreciated the opportunity to tell Blake himself and in private. Blake deserved at least that much consideration after Kyle's actions. Kyle rubbed his hand over his eyes, halting the motion to hold his fingers there with a groan. Great, he thought to himself sardonically as he felt the first pangs of a tension headache niggling at his mind. That would make his evening much better. His arms tightened around his knees as he wished that he could just quiet his brain for a moment, relax and forget awhile the mistakes he'd made and the night he'd had.

Mind spinning back to Tom, Kyle's lips twitched upwards again as his emotions flitted crazily between joy from his boyfriend and despair from the rest of his evening, leaving him feeling decidedly unbalanced. He hoped that Tom might be able to help with that, to help him feel more grounded and to figure out how best to assist Jimmy. Kyle also planned on taking Tom up on his offer of kissing. Kyle knew that he couldn't think about anyone or anything else when he kissed Tom. All he could focus on was the incredible man in his arms and the intensity of the feelings their kisses induced. He chuckled suddenly, thinking that Tom's reaction over not knowing Kyle's address had been really cute. Tom had sounded so shocked the first instant he'd realised that he didn't actually know the address of the man he'd just asked to be his boyfriend.

Kyle was still grinning when he jolted upright at the sudden rapping on his front door, his heart pounding from the fright of the unexpected noise. Eyes a little panicked and his hand over his heart to calm himself from the rush of adrenaline, Kyle dashed over to the door. Feeling slightly ridiculous, Kyle crossed his fingers with the hope it was Tom at the door and not a strung out and unpredictable Jimmy. He just wasn't prepared to deal with Jimmy right now. Looking through the security peephole as he held his breath, Kyle immediately smiled, his eyes radiating relief and his breathing rushing out at the welcome sight of his new boyfriend standing in the hallway. Fingers slipping over the latch, Kyle swiftly unlocked the door and swung it open in wordless invitation for Tom to step over the threshold. The second he did so, Kyle immediately moved to shut and lock the door behind him before turning around silently to face the older man. 

Tom softly said "Hello" but Kyle said nothing in response, instead staring at him for a long moment and eliciting a worried frown in return. Tom then gently asked "Hey, are you alright, Kyle?" His frown deepened, furrowing between his eyebrows as Kyle still didn't respond, instead lurching forward directly into Tom's body.

Tugging Tom's head down, Kyle watched the other man's eyes register surprise at the sudden motion before they slid shut in anticipation and Kyle crashed their lips together. Tom's arms come up instantly to hold his clearly upset lover, one hand still gripping fast to the neck of the wine bottle as he wrapped it around Kyle. Tom's other arm moved to rub up and down Kyle's back in a soothing motion. Kyle sagged deeply into the kiss, drawing away almost immediately and blindly burying his face into Tom's neck. Kyle slipped one arm under Tom's arm and up to rest over his shoulder blade and the other down from his neck to curl around his lower back, pressing the two of them firmly together. Kyle then breathed in his boyfriend's familiar scent deeply, hands clutching tightly to the back of Tom's jacket as Kyle melted into him, trusting in the older man's strength to keep him upright. Kyle shakily mumbled "Hi Tom" into his boyfriend's neck, his lips rubbing against the soft skin and causing Tom to shiver at the tingling sensation the brushing touch evoked.

After several minutes and a couple of escaped tears of frustration that had been barely withheld earlier, Kyle drew back to look at Tom. Still ensconced in his arms, Kyle blushed slightly and commented "Um, sorry about just collapsing on you there. I just needed a minute." His eyes a little glazed with the remnants of his tears, Kyle moved his hand to graze over Tom's chest as he murmured "Thank you for coming over tonight Tom. I'm glad you found the place okay." He gave a quick grin and continued "Now, I seem to remember you promised kissing."

Heart filling with affection, Tom said gently "Of course, we can do that. Listen Kyle, you don't have to apologise for taking a moment or for needing me. I like you. I want to help. I am curious though what you call the moment when I first came in if that didn't count as kissing." He shot Kyle a silly grin "Maybe I'm just remembering it better than it really was."

Kyle simultaneously groaned and gave a little huff of laughter before he returned "I'm not going to be able to get away with anything with you, am I? I would call that moment a greeting." He then returned Tom's cheeky grin with amusement dancing in his eyes.

Tom gave Kyle a gentle squeeze as the sides of Tom's mouth lifted up further "Would you now? Well then, I like your greetings. I like you. And I am definitely on board with anything involving more kissing. Just let me put the wine down first, the way I'm holding it has to be digging into your side. Besides, I'm worried I might drop it and I want both my hands free."

Kyle sighed but pulled away long enough for Tom to set the bottle down on the little square table next to the door. Kyle then stepped back into Tom's welcoming arms, one hand sliding back to rest on Tom's shoulder blade and the other grazing up the back of his boyfriend's neck and into his hair.

Tom arms closed tightly around him, right arm sliding back down to press warm and open palmed at the base of Kyle's spine and the other reaching up to span over the nape of Kyle's neck, gently pulling him close. He then grinned brightly and leaned down as he hummed lightheartedly "Hmm, I think you said something about kissing you just now. Maybe you could remind me..." In response, Kyle tilted his chin up to meet him halfway. Tom glided his lips over Kyle's, smooth and lingering, the touch a feather-light caress as the wisps of their breaths puffed between them and Kyle shuddered in his arms. Tom paused, moving back for a moment to make sure Kyle was okay before rubbing their noses together as he changed the angle and Kyle kissed him back with interest.

After several long moments Kyle smiled into the kiss, pulling back to rest his forehead against Tom's and murmuring "Thank you, Tom. This was exactly what I needed tonight."

Tom smiled softly at him, adding quietly "I'm glad. Anytime, just let me know." He punctuated his words by smoothing over Kyle's chest repeatedly in a warm caress.

Kyle slid his hand up to join Tom's over his heart, twining their fingers together and squaring his shoulders as he refocused on the earlier events of the night. He felt ready to deal with the situation now, calmer and settled instead of helpless as his emotions whirled wildly through him. "Right. Back to Jimmy, then." Leaning up for a final peck on Tom's lips Kyle slipped out of Tom's embrace, keeping their hands tightly clasped together as he moved. He picked up the wine and led Tom to the kitchen to grab up a couple of wine glasses. Kyle then headed back to the couch he'd been sitting on earlier, settling down comfortably this time with his boyfriend's fingers tightly tangled in his own.


	3. A discussion about Jimmy

Resting back against the couch and crossing his legs Tom took a sip of his wine, giving Kyle a minute to gather his thoughts. He then slid his glass over the edge of the polished top of the coffee table to sit it beside Kyle's untouched drink. Tom then rested his head on his elbow and focused intently on Kyle's face as he watched the younger man take a deep breath and start talking.

"Tom, I'm probably going to ramble through this and I'm sorry if I repeat myself or something doesn't come out right or I get upset."

Tom squeezed Kyle's hand in support, replying "Don't worry about it, Kyle. Just talk to me."

Kyle sighed before jumping into the problem. "Jimmy, he's an absolute mess and I just don't know what to do any more. He's just so lost and he can't seem to figure out how to sort his life out. I've tried to help but nothing I do ever seems to be enough; no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to fix him. He needs to find the strength to do it for himself, to change because he needs to and wants, not because I want him to. I think normally he just tries for my sake; I'm not even sure that he sees himself as someone worth saving. Until he figures that out, Tom, I'm not sure if things will change. And things have to change. It isn't fair on either of us to keep going on like this." Agitation swept through his voice as he exclaimed "He was a complete jerk tonight! I trusted him not to tell anyone I'd cheated on Blake! Well, I probably would would have told Blake when I broke up with him since he deserved an explanation, but the whole world didn't need to know about it! No matter what I do, Jimmy just keeps screwing everything up. I've tried supporting him in every way I can and I think the only thing left is to kick him out, see if cutting him off from me is enough for him to realise he has to change." He paused to press his lips together in distress.

"But you don't want to kick him out, that's the problem, isn't it?" Tom enquired gently.

"Yes." Turmoil laced through his tone, Kyle cried out. "God, this is killing me! We grew up together and I love him like he's my brother so the thought of kicking him out, it feels... it feels like I'm betraying him." Kyle's head drooped and he stared down at the tight bone weave of the couch cushions, absentmindedly picking at the threads. "I'm all he has." He lifted his head back up, pain and guilt resonating out toward Tom. "His family is awful and he's chased away everyone else because he's always lashing out when he gets angry or upset. I'm still angry at him because of what he did tonight but I've had a few hours to cool down and I know attacking others is his default pain response. But that doesn't make it okay and I can't just keep letting it go. And I don't think me giving him unwavering support, cleaning up after him, forgiving him almost immediately when he screws up, I don't think it's the right thing anymore. It just isn't working. So I'm hoping that cutting him off from me will make him realise that things have to change, that he can't keep going on like this." The sides of his lips tilted up into a melancholy smile as his voice wavered. "I remember how he used to be when we were kids. We used to have so much fun together. He was such a wonderful best friend when something went wrong too, always standing up for me. We could tell the other anything and know it would stay just between us. That's part of what made it hurt so much tonight when he broke my trust and told everyone about you, about us, especially when he made it sound so awful." He sighed deeply, reaching out to clasp the narrow stem of his wine glass and take a long draught, letting the rich liquid roll over his tongue and provide a momentary distraction from the memories.

Tom let him reflect quietly, keeping their fingers tangled together as he rubbed his thumb soothingly over Kyle's palm. A long swallow later with the faint tannic aftertaste lingering on his lips, Kyle returned that glass to the table with a dull thud and carried on. "I usually forgive him pretty easily and maybe that's not actually helping him." Closing his eyes, he rubbed his hand across his forehead in frustration. "I don't know. I thought it was the right thing to do, to give him extra slack because I know he's not well. Now I'm not sure. Maybe it's holding him back from taking responsibility for the consequences of his actions. Maybe if he has to get used to being there for himself, he can beat this thing and actually get better." He took another sip of his wine, letting the flavour dance across his tastebuds as he stared down through the burgundy swirl in his glass, wishing the answers were written there. "But what if it's not the right thing to do? What if it doesn't work and I just make things worse for him? What if I'm only considering this because I'm angry at him for tonight? I feel so guilty even thinking about it." Kyle paused for a moment, pressing his lips together tightly enough to restrict the blood flow. White lipped, he continued. "Tom, I'm terrified that cutting him off from me might only make him worse. Right now, I think I'm the only stable person in his life. What if he turns to his brother? He's the one that got him hooked on cocaine and trying everything else under the sun in the first place, not exactly someone Jimmy can rely on. He punched Jimmy last time he went back there to find his old notebook for Hit List, and again at the Bombshell opening. Adam's a drug dealer for God's sake!" Kyle exclaimed, breaking off with ragged breathing. He jolted to his feet, unable to sit quietly any longer and nearly dislodging the wine glasses from the table in his rush.

Tom followed him upright, standing far enough away that they weren't touching but close enough for Kyle to step into his arms if he wanted. He felt helpless as he quirked his mouth to the side, not sure what Kyle needed at that moment. Tom didn't have the answers to Kyle's questions and he knew that Kyle wasn't really expecting him to. Kyle just needed to say his thoughts aloud and try to sort through them.

"God, I'm sure that where he is tonight and it's not safe for him. And I feel like if I kick him out, that's where he's going to go and if he overdoses or someone hurts him or something it will be my fault because I pushed him away." His shoulders slumped, matching the defeated tone of his voice. "But then he could easily OD while he's staying with me too. He's always mixing drugs together so he's definitely at high risk of something going horribly wrong." Kyle's breathing hitched, his throat tightening with emotion. "Tom, I'm terrified that if things don't change, I'm going to come home one day and find him lying dead on the floor." Tears started slipping down his cheeks at the thought of losing his best friend. "And I would feel like it was my fault for not doing enough to save him."

Tom moved closer to run his free hand soothingly over Kyle's back at the sight of Kyle's tears, pulling him into a gentle embrace and gently manoeuvring them back onto the couch.

Kyle kept his head tucked into the other man's shoulder, accepting the comfort as he continued to speak, his words muffled but audible. "I don't know what to do Tom. If I kick him out I might just force him into his brother's arms. But we can't keep doing this. The way he's acting now, it already feels like I've lost my best friend." Shaking his head, Kyle sat back slightly, still encircled in Tom's strong arms as he looked into Tom's eyes and saw the pained empathy reflected there. "I've tried to convince to go to rehab, he won't. He says he doesn't need it. I've tried to convince him to see a psychiatrist, he won't do that either. He won't go to Alcoholics or Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Somehow he has got it into his head that none of those will help and he only gets angry when I try to help or try to encourage him to stop or try to appeal to him intellectually. Then he lashes out at me. I can't just keep forgiving him and telling him it's fine. Because it's not fine, he's not fine and we're not fine. Nothing ever changes and I have to try something new. And I can't see any other option but to kick him out." He gave a deep, shuddering sigh as he finished. "You're a good listener Tom. Thank you for just letting me talk, I needed to get that out."

Tom responded softly "I could see that. I'm sorry Kyle, I don't what the right thing to do here is. I'm not going to pretend that I've been in this situation with a close friend and I don't know Jimmy well enough to say what he'd do in response to your actions. But I do know two things; that you know him better than anyone else and that you're trying to do the best thing for him. You're not doing this to punish him and you're right that he can't keep doing this for his own sake, not just yours." He picked up his wine, tapping his fingers rhythmically against the fragile stem as he carefully considered the situation. "I do have an idea but there's something I need to ask first. Have you ever kicked him out before? Or threatened to kick him out?

Kyle looked up at him hopefully at the suggestion his boyfriend might have an idea. He shook his head quickly. "No, no I haven't. I always tried to be supportive and I didn't want him to feel like he was all alone in the world so no, no matter how mad I was at him I never told him I'd kick him out. Are you suggesting that I might be able to threaten to kick him out if he doesn't change and not actually do it?" His brow furrowed. "But what if he doesn't believe that I'll actually do it and he just goes on like he has been, a word of apology and no real change? I'll still have to kick him out."

Tom nodded sadly, hating how much pain this was causing Kyle. Addiction was such a terrible, insidious thing that hurt so much more than the person suffering in its grasp. "Yes, you will." He sighed. "Kyle, I don't know if threatening him will be enough, and you will definitely have to carry through on your threat if he doesn't make a genuine change. I know that's going to be incredibly hard for you. You have such a beautiful heart and kicking out your best friend when he's a mess is clearly tearing you apart. But this might be a third option for you, somewhere between things continuing as they have been and kicking him out. It might make him feel like he has a choice; that you've laid out his options and the consequences and it's up to him what he chooses to do. It might help him to have that. Even if it doesn't change things for him, I think it will help you to give him the choice before cutting him off completely."

Kyle nodded slowly, his brow still creased in concern. "But what if he chooses his brother? Chooses drugs over me?

Tom shrugged helplessly. "I don't know, Kyle. There are just some things he has to figure out for himself and you won't be able to fix him unless he's willing to be helped."

Kyle sighed. "Right. Yeah, I know." He slid his hand tiredly through his hair. "Until he's ready to try and get better, there is a limit to how much I can do. These last months have made that obvious. I suppose that I could tell him that no matter what he chooses, he can always come back when he's ready to get better, or if it's an emergency and he desperately needs help. After that, I've done everything I can think of and the rest is up to him." Mind firmly made up, he stated decisively "I'll tell him tomorrow." He looked up earnestly at his boyfriend. "Thank you Tom. I know nothing is resolved but at least I feel like I can put it out of mind for a few hours and get some sleep now that I've talked about it with you."

Tom smiled faintly at him. "I'm glad I could help." He squeezed Kyle's hand gently as he carefully scrutinised Kyle's features. "I know it's late, but before you go to bed I want to know if you're okay. I didn't ask before because you obviously needed to talk about Jimmy first, but I'm worried about you too. I can see how much it hurts you that you can't fix him, how much it pains you to even consider kicking him out. And from what you said on the phone earlier you had an awful night. So, are you okay?"

Kyle sighed, sliding closer to Tom, pressing into their bodies together and maintaining his grip on his boyfriend's hand. "Yes, I'm okay Tom. I'm always okay when it comes to Jimmy. I have to be okay for both of us."

Tom declared quietly. "You don't always have to be okay when you're with me. I'm not always going to be okay either and I don't want to feel like I have to hide that from you. I don't want to start this between us if we're only going to hide how we feel from one another."

Kyle observed softly "I know, I don't want to hide from you either. And I do want to date you." He grinned, his eyes flicking to the side as a newly fond memory played in the front of his mind. "Besides, if you're always as adorably anxious as you were at Bombshell's invited dress when you have a new show and you're not okay, then I might even enjoy it a little. I know you were really worried and I did feel a tiny bit guilty that I was enjoying your discomfort but it was sweet to see how much you cared." Connecting his gaze back to Tom's, Kyle finished seriously. "I really am alright. Yes, I'm upset and embarrassed and I had a horrible night between everything with Jimmy, Blake and Hit List. But you being here has helped more than you know and I feel much better. As for the rest, I just... can we leave it for now, please? It's 2AM and I'm exhausted. So right now, I just want to go bed."

Tom nodded, tiredness wearing at his mind too. "Sure, that's absolutely fine. Kyle, do you want me to stay?"

Kyle stared at his boyfriend incredulously for a long moment. "Tom, I'm not going to make you drive home at 2 in the morning! Anyway, I want you to stay. Um, I was kind of hoping..." He trailed off, slowly moving closer, making his intention clear before he kissed Tom, lingering to enjoy the remnants of the wine on his boyfriend's lips before pulling away and standing up. Kyle held out his hand in invitation, clasping Tom's when he too stood and leading him to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Hi everyone! So, I finally finished this chapter - I'm sorry for the delay and I hope you enjoyed it even though you had to wait so long! I'd love to hear what you think. Cheers, Rose


	4. The wonders of three hours sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Hi everyone! Some story news - I've changed the rating because the first scene in this chapter contains sex. So please don't read the first section if you're too young, or if you would simply prefer not to read a sex scene. The end of the scene is clearly marked with a line of asterisks across the page so you can easily skip reading it altogether if you'd like. It won't affect the storyline; you'll just have a short chapter. For those who do intend to read it - I've never even tried to write a sex scene before so I really hope it turned out all right! I was definitely nervous about posting it so please let me know what you think! Cheers, Rose

Kyle threw back the drapes that separated his bedroom from the main living area and spun so his thighs rested back against the bed. Locking his gaze onto Tom's, he tugged Tom close and stepped into him, completely eliminating the distance between them. Distance was precisely what he didn't want right now. Kyle grazed his fingertips up the back of Tom's neck, eliciting a shiver from his boyfriend as he moved to slant their lips together. Kyle was reveling in the languorous slide of Tom's lips over his; in Tom's closeness and his taste, unmistakable under the delicious wine they'd enjoyed. Momentarily distracted at that thought, Kyle swept his tongue over Tom's as he pondered. Yep, the wine definitely tasted better from Tom's lips. But he had better things to do than think about that. Gripping onto Tom more tightly, Kyle tilted his head to change the angle of the kiss, kissing his lover as his heart gradually picked up speed. He could feel the corresponding increase in Tom's heart thumping against his chest, even through the layers of material separating them. Those unnecessary barriers had to go; Kyle wanted to feel that beat against his skin. Kyle slid his hands across Tom's chest, slipping under the lapels of his jacket to gently push it over his shoulders. Released from its hold, the jacket plummeted to the floor. Kyle then went to work on Tom's shirt, unbuttoning and removing it efficiently before running his hands across Tom's bare chest with abandon, relishing the way the muscles twitched under his touch.

Tom quickly returned the favour, breaking kiss briefly to gather the hem of Kyle's sweater, tug it over his head and toss it aside. Since they'd already had to stop kissing, Tom dispensed with Kyle's shirt too as his boyfriend deftly unbuckled and discarded their belts. Tom folded his arms back around the incredible man in front of him and sank into his kiss. Tom had been worried about Kyle earlier, about how upset he'd been so having him tucked in his arms and responding to every glide of his tongue and brush of his fingertips was wonderful. He was relishing the expanse of Kyle's warm skin as his hands skimmed over his boyfriend. Kicking off his shoes, he tumbled them backwards onto the bed, surprised when the suspension was far springier than he'd expected and they bounced. Luckily, they managed to avoid any errant elbows ending up planted into someone's stomach as they flailed around briefly before recovering their balance. Once the world had stopped spinning, Tom slid one leg between Kyle's and propped himself up on his elbows with a laugh. "That worked better in my head."

Kyle's eyes were dark with desire and amusement as he joined Tom in bright laughter. As it subsided to a grin, he replied. "Yeah, it was a little uncoordinated. But it was fun." As he spoke, Kyle's fingers traversed the length of Tom's spine, exploring the gentle rise and fall of his musculature with every breath his boyfriend took. Tonight, Kyle decided, this was exactly what he wanted. Feeling Tom move deep inside him as he alternated between gazing into his boyfriend's beautiful blue irises and kissing him. Kyle requested "Can we... just like this?"

The lowered pitch of his voice sent sparks surging through Tom's veins. "Yeah, that sounds perfect." Gasping as Kyle canted his hips upward, Tom pressed openmouthed kisses just below Kyle's ear and asked "Supplies?" He wanted to get the necessities out now instead of having to pause things later when they were both desperate and scramble to find them.

"Bedside table, top drawer."

Tom quickly shifted to grab a condom and lube and toss them onto the bed before turning back to Kyle. Only a thin blue ring was visible around the dark, dilated pupils. At the emotion he could see in Tom's eyes, warm affection mingled with raw desire, Kyle surged up to kiss him. It felt incredible, Tom's lean body pressing him into the soft mattress as their tongues slid across one another. Kyle let his fingers dance down Tom's spine, smoothing over the dimples at the base to tuck tantalisingly just under the hem of Tom's jeans, fingertips digging in gently. Right, the jeans had to go; they were restricting his access and Tom's movement. Kyle slithered his hand between them, unbuttoning and unzipping as he went. He undid his own pants too; lifting his hips as Tom helped tug the material off. Together they managed to coordinate kicking everything to the floor and Kyle brought Tom's hips back down to nestle against his own. Finally they were lying naked against one another, no more unnecessary barriers fixed between them.

As they gazed at one another, their world shrinking to the depths of the other's eyes, Tom tipped his head forward to nuzzle his nose against Kyle's. Their breaths melded in the cool early morning air as he murmured "Hi."

Kyle's lips swept upwards. "Hi." Lifting his chin, Kyle kissed his lover thoroughly, enjoying the resulting frisson of excitement curling at the base of his spine. Deciding that he wanted to take his time tonight, he wrapped his arms tightly around his lover's back, pressing them firmly together. Kyle grazed his toes up Tom's calf before planting his foot firmly against the bed as he shifted his left hand to protectively cradle Tom's head. Kyle then used his bent leg as leverage to flip them over in one fluid motion. Settling comfortably between Tom's legs, and languidly rocking their hips together, Kyle kissed the gasp of surprise off Tom's lips. He soon moved to press lingering kisses along Tom's jaw and trail down his neck.

Tom slid his hand into Kyle's hair in response, his other arm firm at the small of Kyle's back. Tilting his head to the side and arching his neck into Kyle's touch, Tom breathlessly offered "Nice move."

Kyle lifted his head to hover over Tom's, a infectious grin sweeping across his lips as laughter danced in his eyes. "I thought so. And it worked even better than in my head."

Tom chuckled, contented warmth momentarily overriding the heated anticipation writhing in him. "Yep. So what are you planning on doing with me?"

Kyle bit his bottom lip slightly, considering what he wanted to do with his brand new boyfriend stretched out trustingly beneath him.

Tom realised that Kyle biting his lip like that just wasn't fair to his sanity. Tom lifted his head and kissed him, gently tugging Kyle's lip free of its prison and taking his time deepening the kiss before pulling back to let Kyle answer.

"I haven't decided yet. I think I'll just start here..." he brushed his hand down Tom's neck, chasing his fingertips with his lips into the hollow of Tom's throat. Tom moaned, the sound vibrating against Kyle's lips and making him smile even as it sent his heart rate up a few notches. "And see where I end up."

Tom took a deep breath, letting some of the tension building in his muscles relax as he slowly released the air from his lungs. He knew that with Kyle the wait would well be worth it. Besides, the anticipation itself was kind of fun; the way it left him feeling breathtakingly alive as his heart thrummed and every nerve fibre focused solely on Kyle, waiting eagerly to signal his touch.

Kyle trailed his lips leisurely down Tom's chest, detouring frequently off his downward trajectory to explore almost every inch of Tom's chest. He lavished attention on Tom's nipples, switching between his swirling his tongue and skating the pads of his fingers over them in tight circles, all the while delighting in Tom's gasps. He swept a feather light kiss across the side of Tom's stomach, the muscles quivering under his touch as Tom let out an involuntary giggle. Kyle quickly rubbed his hand over Tom's side firmly, transforming the teasing caress into a pleasurable one. "Sorry! I know you're ticklish. I didn't mean that to be quite so light."

His breath hitching, Tom threw one arm over his eyes and left his other still tucked into Kyle's hair. "It's fine. But if your plan is to drive me crazy then you're succeeding."

Kyle lifted heavy-lidded eyes to analyse Tom's face. "Is it too much? Do you want me to stop?"

Lifting his arm off his eyes to meet Kyle's, Tom exclaimed "God, no! I want you. Just please do something!"

Kyle chuckled, grinning against his lover's skin before nosing down the crease of Tom's thigh and planting his forearm firmly across Tom's hips as they twitched upward. Kyle then decided that as much fun as Tom's reactions were, he'd tortured his boyfriend enough for one night. With that thought, he bent forward to take Tom in his mouth.

Tom's hips jolted upward, straining against Kyle's forearm. God, Kyle was good at this. Too good if he wanted this to last for very long. It was only a couple of minutes before Tom tugged Kyle back up with a ragged moan, kissing him desperately and messily as he tried to draw in enough air. Breaking the kiss completely wasn't an option he wanted to employ, even if his lungs were protesting a little at their treatment. Swapping their positions would help. He pushed at Kyle's shoulders and twisted his hips, rolling them over easily and settling on his side propped half on top of Kyle. Tom moved away from Kyle's tempting lips to suck and nip gently at his boyfriend's throat, careful not to leave any marks even as Kyle moaned and pushed into his touch. As Kyle's neck arched off the bed, Tom managed to slide one arm underneath Kyle's head, his wrist curving around Kyle's shoulder in a partial embrace. Tom glided his other hand down the planes of Kyle's chest and stroked over his boyfriend's erection, savouring the way Kyle gasped out his name and shuddered beneath him. Focusing on Kyle was managing to simultaneously inflame his desire and let him regain a measure of control as his mind cleared slightly. Lifting his hand, Tom scrabbled beside them in the sheets, searching for the distinct shape of the lube bottle he'd tossed there earlier. Connecting with it, he closed his fingers around it tightly, bringing it toward them as he dropped a kiss over Kyle's racing heart. Tom then snapped back the top of the lube, a soft snick echoing in the quiet room.

Kyle's eyes snapped open at the faint noise. He knew what that noise meant.

At the sudden motion, Tom checked "Are you okay?"

Kyle breathed out "Yeah, Tom. Want you." He brought his hand up to slot his fingers into Tom's, clutching tightly. He ran his other hand up Tom's back to his neck, bringing their lips together as Tom slicked his fingers.

Tom took his time, kissing his boyfriend deeply as he carefully and thoroughly prepared Kyle. He pulled away as he slipped his fingers out, eliciting a whimpered protest from Kyle. Tom grabbed the condom, rolling it on and adding more lube before stroking Kyle's cheek with his other hand until Kyle opened his eyes. "Hey, Kyle. Ready?"

His cheeks flushed and brain absolutely flooded with arousal, Kyle only managed to answer, "Yes." He crashed their lips together as Tom slid into him and they both moaned into the kiss. After a minute, when he'd adjusted to the stretch, Kyle opened his eyes and rocked up against his boyfriend. In the midst of the pleasure radiating through him with every thrust of Tom's hips, a stray thought occurred to Kyle. Earlier, he'd wanted this night to be just about them, to forget about the world and focus on nothing beyond their connection and the synchronous movement of their bodies. And in that moment, it was. Nothing mattered except Tom's eyes intent upon his own, Tom's hands entangled with his; the warm weight of Tom's body pressing into him, the slip of their sweat-slickened skin as they moved together. He wanted it to last forever even as he came with Tom's name on his lips and Tom's voice echoed with his own.

***********************************************************************************************************************************************

Tom groaned at the incessant blaring tugging his mind out of blissful sleep tangled together with his new boyfriend. He cracked his eyes open to try and find the offending alarm, quickly realising it was sitting on Kyle's bedside table on the other side of the bed. Reaching it seemed an impossible task at that moment; it was way too early to attempt clambering over Kyle to turn it off. Recognising that Kyle was stirring as the noise intensified, Tom instead tightened his arms around his boyfriend and asked blearily, "Why so early? Do we have to get up? We didn't get to sleep 'til after three."

Kyle flung his arm out to blindly whack at his alarm, sighing in relief at the sudden silence when he connected on his fourth try. He then rolled back into Tom, resting half on top of him and tucking his face into Tom's neck to shield his eyes from the morning light. His speech slurring with exhaustion, Kyle replied. "Jimmy's fault." He lay there for a few more minutes, slowly waking up and gathering up the energy to continue more coherently. "We have to rehearse with his understudy all day because Jimmy got fired. Rehearsal starts at 8 and I wanted to stop for coffee on the way. The stuff at MTW is awful and we've only got instant here at home. So six thirty it is. Don't you remember me setting it last night?"

Tom groaned again. Somehow hearing the hour made it seem even earlier. "Vaguely. But it didn't sound so terrible then." A definite whine crept into his voice. "Can't you ignore it and come back to bed?" Six wasn't such an awful hour by itself but after going to sleep after 3 it was definitely way too early. Even if part of the reason they only had three hours sleep was because they were busy having fantastic sex. Kyle shook his head slightly where it was resting against Tom's neck. Tom took that as his cue to continue. "No? God, I'm too old for this. I swear running on almost no sleep used to be easier. And I hate instant coffee."

Kyle chuckled at Tom's grumbling and planted a kiss on Tom's neck before lifting his head, sitting up and kissing him solidly on the lips. "You're not old. You're gorgeous. At least we got some sleep, but yeah, it's going to be a very long day. You're normally cheerier than this in the morning and after last night I would definitely have expected you to be a little... happier. Is something wrong or are you just really tired?"

Tom stretched his arms over his head with a groan before sitting up to join his boyfriend, the blue-striped top sheet pooling in his lap. He skimmed his fingers across Kyle's cheek and leaned in for another kiss. "Nothing's wrong; I'm just exhausted. Last night was incredible. It was definitely worth how much today's going to hurt. Uh, normally I'm only cheery in the morning if I've slept well. Or had coffee." His tone turned wry. "Lots and lots of coffee. Fixing Bombshell in one day before previews, I had something like seven cups of coffee before even starting work at 9." He dropped his head into his palm. "Then people kept fetching me coffee because they were trying to help. All day. At one point my hands were shaking so much that I could barely write notes."

Kyle laughed again "Oh, Tom. I can see now how you managed to fix all of the problems. You must have been able to run around multitasking after that much coffee." Kyle forced his mind to focus back on getting ready for the morning. He'd rather stay in bed, curling back up with his boyfriend and getting some more sleep but it wouldn't look good for entire writing team to be late to Hit List's rehearsal. There wasn't much hope that the composer would be on time so he'd better hurry things along. "Right, I'm sorry Tom, but I've really got get up." Slipping out of bed, he turned back to Tom and offered, "I can make you some instant coffee after I have a quick shower. It will at least have caffeine. Or you can go back to sleep for a bit. But I should warn you that our hot water system shower is good for about 10 minutes of hot water a day, so you should probably hurry up if you don't want a cold shower. Or you could join me." As Tom immediately perked up and slid out of bed, ambling over to him with a yawn, Kyle grinned. He'd thought that might work. They were probably both too tired to do much more than kiss under the warm cascading water but it would still be nice. Kyle slotted his fingers into his lover's as he pulled the curtain that separated his bedroom from the living room aside. The room was lit with early morning light, the first rays of sunlight just beginning to peep through the windows as the sun rose. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful sunny day. If only the outlook for Jimmy were as promising.


	5. Rattling at the door

Tom stumbled forward into Kyle, theatrically collapsing into the younger man and planting his face into Kyle's neck to avoid the sunbeams stabbing into his pupils. A groan edged out of him and his voice held the cadence of a whine as he spoke. "I'm so tired I'm actually looking forward to instant coffee. Help me."

Kyle snickered softly as he held Tom tightly, keeping his boyfriend upright and enjoying the play of muscles under his fingers. "Come on, shower first Babe. Then I'll make you coffee." He was exhausted too but apparently he was managing better than Tom. He pressed a lingering kiss to the side of Tom's neck where it bowed temptingly close to his lips. It might have helped that he was used to being out until the early hours of the morning bartending or scouring the city for Jimmy. He was accustomed to functioning on little sleep. It always sucked and he'd probably want to crawl back into bed by lunchtime but he was definitely doing better than Tom. Kyle was also finding his boyfriend's dramatic motions amusing, even though he felt bad Tom was so tired. Tom's lack of sleep was mostly his fault. Well, he couldn't change that and Tom's slightly clingy sleep-deprived state was pretty much adorable. Kyle was still smiling at that thought as he herded his half-asleep boyfriend into the bathroom.

Kissing Tom in the shower was wonderful, the hot water embracing them as he enjoyed the minty freshness of toothpaste mingled with the unique taste of his boyfriend's lips. And he hadn't complained when Tom pulled away and leant against the shower wall, his eyes sliding shut against the warm torrent of water flooding his senses. It had meant they had stopped kissing but in Kyle's opinion, the contented picture Tom presented was well worth the break.

Lazing in the warm water with his feet surely planted on the ground, Tom had let his awareness meander away. His tired brain was still protesting at being jarred awake after so little sleep and he needed to rest for minute before continuing on with his morning. His mind was drifting aimlessly, registering little beyond the heated water trickling down his skin. His mouth curved slowly upwards in pleasant surprise when Kyle took advantage of his perch, pressing him gently into the wall and kissing him again.

He could feel that Tom was partially interested but entirely exhausted so Kyle kept his movements leisurely instead of deliberately seductive. If they'd had time to go back to sleep he would have chosen seduction to stir that interest further but he was pretty sure that in his current state his boyfriend would basically pass out afterward. They really didn't have the time for that and he didn't want Tom risking driving home if he was only barely awake. As it was Kyle was reveling in the simple pleasure of Tom's chest against his own and their relaxed kisses. The languid slide and catch of water-covered skin connecting with every minute shift of their bodies; the softly scented soap lending a delightful, slippery ease to their movements. As the water began to cool they stayed for a few more minutes, the faint hint of a chill in the now lukewarm water a gentle helping hand to wake them up without morphing into a devastatingly icy cascade.

Tom stepped out of the bathroom with a towel slung low around his hips. He was feeling much better after a shower. His new boyfriend had stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes to shave as Tom stood quietly pondering his clothing options. Kyle had offered to lend him something and he thought he might borrow a spare T-shirt but otherwise his own clothes from yesterday would be a better fit. Grabbing a plain grey shirt of Kyle's, Tom dressed quickly as he thought about rummaging through Kyle's fridge to make them some breakfast. Thankfully, it was early enough that he'd still have time after that to swing by his apartment, shave and change into something fresh and suitable for work. In the meantime, he was enjoying having Kyle's masculine scent surrounding him, a gentle caress drifting across his upper body with every move he made.

Tom bent to slip on his shoes with a private smile before he was tugged out of his pleasant reverie by the jangling of keys right outside the door. Oh God, it was probably Jimmy; he doubted anyone else had keys. Tom quirked his lips. Well, the landlord would have keys but they wouldn't be here so early in the morning without warning. The fact that the person seemed to be having trouble with the lock wasn't promising. He doubted that a clean and sober Jimmy would struggle to open the door to his own apartment. He'd probably done it a thousand times before. "Kyle" he called out with a grimace "I think Jimmy's home. Uh, he's struggling to unlock the door. Which I'm assuming is bad." As if to verify his words, Jimmy came bursting through the door. He didn't look happy. Or sober. And, Tom thought to himself miserably, all before he'd managed to track down that coffee.

Seeing the back of a man standing in his loft, Jimmy opened his mouth. Then he slammed his lips together. That wasn't Kyle. It wasn't Blake either, although after last night he wasn't surprised about Blake's absence. Once the man turned to face him Jimmy recogised him immediately. That was Tom Levitt. He and Kyle must have hooked up again after the incident with Blake. That was what he was going to call it. The incident. It wasn't Jimmy's fault that Kyle had betrayed him and he'd lashed out in response! He shouldn't have done it but Kyle shouldn't have betrayed him! Kyle knew what he was like and Kyle knew how much this meant to him; he should have supported Jimmy instead of throwing him aside the first chance he had. Jimmy had experienced enough people who had done that in his life and that kind of betrayal from Kyle had cut deep. That wasn't what best friends were supposed to do. If he couldn't expect Kyle to have his back then why should Kyle expect Jimmy to keep his secrets? He couldn't have it both ways. Why shouldn't he feel as much hurt as Jimmy did? It was only fair.

Jimmy bit the inside of his cheek in frustration, the stinging pain a vivid reflection of his spiralling thoughts. No, it wasn't fair. He wasn't an idiot, as much as Kyle had hurt him it still wasn't okay for him to publically humiliate his best friend. Kyle wasn't completely responsible for Jimmy getting fired. In contrast Jimmy was fully accountable for his own actions in the incident. He hadn't been thinking and Blake had been a tantalisingly easy target. Kyle was usually so straight-laced that when he'd screwed around on Blake, Jimmy had seen the opportunity and taken it before he thought better of it. Jimmy tasted the blood edging out of his wounded cheek, that metallic tang a bitter reminder of reality amidst his drug-addled thoughts. Kyle deserved better than his actions last night. He knew he should apologise. But the conversation would be difficult and Jimmy hadn't wanted to feel the weight of Kyle's pain, anger and disappointment. No, that wasn't it, not entirely. He hadn't felt strong enough to deal with it. Taking another hit just before coming home this morning had made him feel calmer and more prepared. He could face Kyle's wrath like this with dulled emotions, with lessened guilt. It would be easier.

Jimmy was scared he might have gone too far this time. Normally Kyle tracked him down pretty fast unless he didn't want to be found. Jimmy would apologise, promise not to do it again and Kyle would forgive him. It might take a little time but Kyle always forgave him. Something told Jimmy this time was different; if it hadn't been Kyle should have been chasing after and yelling at him late last night instead of hooking up with Tom. If Kyle did something drastic this time the drugs would leach away the worst of the pain. He hoped he was wrong but the tremor in the base of his stomach and the tips of his fingers suggested otherwise. He was ready for that conversation now, armed with his weapon of choice. Cocaine. Which meant that Tom Levitt had to leave so Jimmy could talk to Kyle. Jimmy wasn't sure why Tom had even bothered staying the whole night; it wasn't like Kyle was doing more than screwing him for fun. Maybe Tom was into Kyle? Kyle clearly wasn't into Tom or he wouldn't have kept seeing Blake at the same time. Whatever, Jimmy didn't care. He just wanted the other man to get out so he could talk to Kyle alone. Being aggressive and rude should work. In his experience that tended to make people leave him alone at the first opportunity. Jimmy growled out threateningly, "What the hell are you doing here, Levitt?"

Tom responded calmly, carefully keeping his words even and clear. Jimmy would be unpredictable if his suspicions were correct and Jimmy had dosed up again this morning. Tom would prefer things go as smoothly as possible for Kyle's sake. "Good morning, Jimmy. I'm here with Kyle."

"Yeah, right." Jimmy made sure to draw out his words and to illustrate his disbelief. "Sure. Do you know that he was just using you because he was bored with his real boyfriend? You know, the hot blonde one that's actually his age instead of old enough to be his Dad? The one he chased after in the bar last night, pleading for a chance to explain. That one."

Despite his best efforts not to show any emotion on his face, Tom winced. Kyle didn't owe him anything, they hadn't been exclusive but he was only human. Jimmy's words still hurt. "Kyle and I really aren't any of your business, Jimmy."

Jimmy raised his eyebrows mockingly. "Ooh, did I hit a nerve? Wait, if you actually like him instead of just wanting his ass... Blake dumped him so I guess that means you might have a shot. As his second choice. Or third. I won't screw him even though he's in love with me. Wow, it sucks to be you, huh?"

Tom took a deep breath, focusing on suppressing his irritation. He was talking to an addict who was high on his drug of choice. There wasn't any point in responding in anger or distress the way Jimmy wanted. Unfortunately exhaustion was weighing on Tom's patience. Letting his breath out in a rush, Tom managed to shove aside his anger long enough to reply in a considered tone. "Look, Jimmy, I'm sure you're not here to talk to me about my relationship with Kyle. He'll be out in a minute; he's just finishing getting ready."

"No response, Tom, really?" Jimmy added sarcastically. "I'm disappointed. Too real for you, huh? No hiding behind your pretty little musical numbers here. I guess Kyle went out and found another Broadway composer to substitute when he couldn't have me. Hey, at least he gets to screw a Broadway composer, right? Not the one he really wants, but oh well, he can't have everything. Too bad he'll never be a Broadway writer himself. I had to do all of the work for Hit List." Seriously, what would it take to get this guy to leave? The older man wasn't backing down despite Jimmy's deliberate antagonism. He would normally appreciate that but at this moment it was seriously annoying. Why had Tom even bothered to stay the night at all? Jimmy would have expected Tom to have slunk out the door once he and Kyle were finished. Why was he staying around when no one wanted him here?

"Jimmy, I realise that you're high as a kite and probably don't even recognise half of what you're saying but I'd prefer if you'd stop hurling insults at us. The only opinion of me that matters here is Kyle's." Tom was getting worried about Kyle; he should have been out here by now. Plus his boyfriend's apartment was fairly small and he had to have heard most of the conversation. In particular, the last part of Jimmy's words would almost certainly upset Kyle even though they weren't true. Enough was enough.

"What are you going to do if I don't stop?" Jimmy drawled sarcastically. "You seem to be ignoring everything just fine so far..."

Tom control fractured slightly and he was unable to keep the heat entirely out of his words this time. "It's called being polite. You might want to try it sometime."

At his words, Kyle dashed out of bathroom, quickly buttoning up his shirt. He hadn't wanted to leave Tom alone with Jimmy when he was probably high and still hitting out at everyone with vicious aim. Jimmy really knew how to hit you where it hurt and he had little hesitation about doing exactly that when he was high. Kyle had heard what Jimmy had said and he'd wanted to run out and intervene immediately. Tom shouldn't have to deal with that. Unfortunately Kyle had been in the middle of shaving when Tom had called out and he'd cut himself accidentally in shock. He hadn't expected to see Jimmy until much later in the day and his hand had slipped momentarily in surprise. It had only caused a small cut but it had still taken him a couple of minutes to stem the bleeding, wash the remaining shaving cream from his face and grab a shirt before rushing out to talk to Jimmy. Kyle skidded to a halt, pushing the regret at his delay to the back of his mind. Then he took a deep breath and turned his eyes directly upon Jimmy.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Hello to my lovely readers! I am so sorry for the delay in getting this one out - those of you who also read my other Tom/Kyle story will already know that I injured my wrist rather badly and under doctor's orders haven't been able to type for some months. Or do pretty much anything with my hand actually. But, it's healing well and I can now type a little so I've slowly been writing this! Anyway, thanks for your support and I hope you enjoy! Cheers, Rose

Chapter 6:

"Jimmy, that's enough!" Kyle's words rang through the room, ricocheting harshly against the muted, peeling walls.

Still facing away from Kyle, Jimmy's pulse spiralled and his muscles seized as fear of his best friend's reaction surged through his mind. Jimmy tried madly to find the words to explain, to apologise to Kyle, but they caught in his throat, garbling against one another until no sound escaped his lips. Why did he always make the wrong choices? It wasn't like the loft was anything even approaching sound proof; Kyle probably overheard every word of what Jimmy had said to his… whatever the hell Tom was. Jimmy doubted Tom was more than a bit of fun on the side. Why else would Kyle have kept seeing Blake? He'd even acted as though there was no reason for them to have split when Jimmy had asked. Kyle wasn't the type to maliciously string guys along. Surely if Kyle had wanted to be with Tom, Blake would have been history. Of course, Blake was history. Now, after the incident. Jimmy bit the inside of his cheek again, the pressure of his teeth slashing painfully deep into the soft flesh. A bitter rivulet of blood oozed down onto his tongue as Jimmy forced away the memories. The incident he wasn't going to think about. That incident. If Tom mattered at all... Blake would have been gone long before it had ever happened. He ran his tongue along the ragged edges of the wound in his cheek, testing its boundaries. Then again, Kyle cared about the feelings of complete strangers and Tom must mean more than that. Casual or not, Kyle probably wouldn't like Jimmy's harsh attempts to kick Tom out. Yeah, he'd wanted Tom gone so he could talk to Kyle… but maybe he should have just asked.

Kyle took a deep breath and continued, protectiveness toward his new boyfriend bubbling through his veins and entwining itself with his ire. Tom didn't deserve to be spoken to like that. And Kyle desperately hoped his brand new boyfriend wouldn't believe Jimmy's harsh words. He'd only just found Tom and Kyle didn't want to lose him. Especially not over something that wasn't even true. "You can't talk to Tom like that; he's here because I want him here. Last night was messed up; I was upset and Tom made me feel better." He really had. More than Kyle had expected.

Oh, God. From the protectiveness he could hear in Kyle's tone Tom was more than just a convenient screw. A hell of a lot more; Kyle must really like him. Instead of simply getting rid of the other man swiftly so he could have a conversation with his best friend, he'd insulted the new boyfriend. Damn it! Well, it was too late to go back now. Kyle wouldn't believe he was sincere if he suddenly started being nice to Tom after what he'd already said! Decision made, Jimmy locked his muscles ramrod straight and turned around slowly, thinking to himself in disgust that being a bastard was what he did best. Weren't you supposed to stick to your strengths? With that thought in mind, Jimmy loaded his tone with innuendo. It was all too easy after Kyle's last sentence. "Ooh, I bet he made you feel better." Then he shrugged dismissively and traded innuendo for sarcasm. "After all, you wanted him so much you spent half your time in Blake's bed. But hey, nice work on the rebound. What was it… two whole hours?" He brought his hands together in a slow clap to drive home his point, one rhythmical crack at a time.

Kyle gritted his teeth. He wasn't going to answer that. When Jimmy was feeling better, maybe he'd tell him it had been more like one hour. When they could laugh about it together and Jimmy's response would be a brotherly tease. For now... damn it, why did his best friend always have to do this? Channel his defensiveness into anger and strike at anyone close enough to hurt? Kyle knew Jimmy probably didn't mean it, had heard the fraction of hesitation in Jimmy's breathing before that last comment. Jimmy liked to think that he could hide his feelings perfectly, that he could shove them down so deep that even Kyle couldn't tell what he was thinking. But he'd seen Jimmy's muscles seize at his angry tone, heard the catch in his breath, had caught a glimpse of the hopeless determination in Jimmy's eyes. Jimmy didn't mean the awful things he was saying. He knew how messed up Jimmy was. Unfortunately knowing that didn't change the fact that Jimmy had said it. Knowing that didn't change anything Jimmy had done recently. The week-long bender, the New York Times magazine, being high on stage and hurting Karen, Blake and the bar... Kyle could go on. And on. How much of this was Kyle supposed to take when Jimmy never changed? How much could Kyle forgive before he couldn't do it any more? The weight of the thousands of times Jimmy had hurt him was slowly drowning out the years of good memories they'd made together and Jimmy never seemed to get better. Things had to change. His voice was steady when he spoke, each word carefully designed to make sure Jimmy knew Tom was off limits. Then they'd move onto everything else. "He's not a rebound. He's my boyfriend."

Oh, God! Why could he never think before he spoke? "Yeah, yeah, whatever. I've heard that before. Like last week, with Blake. Remember him?" The crestfallen expression backed with fiery anger Jimmy could see on Kyle's face tugged sharply on his heartstrings even as he raised his eyebrows mockingly. Jimmy often tried to pretend those heartstrings were made of stone. He'd found that keeping people away was the best way to ensure no one noticed they weren't.

"I remember. He and I broke up. Thanks to you." His voice had lost the steadiness of his previous comment, a touch of irritation creeping in over the smooth cadence. Splitting up with Blake, what he chose to tell him should have been entirely Kyle's choice. Not Jimmy's. No matter how well things turned out with Tom. Oh God. Speaking of Tom... dread pooled in his stomach as he whipped his head around to glimpse Tom's face for a second. That might have sounded like he would have preferred if Blake and he hadn't split. Damn it! Kyle had to deal with the urgent situation Jimmy presented now and hope Tom understood when they talked about it. With a deep breath, Kyle focused his full attention back to his best friend and responded heatedly to Jimmy's earlier insult. "And you know Hit List is as much mine as it is yours!"

The anger in his voice, the way Kyle was clearly worried about Tom's reactions... if Kyle had someone he really liked in his life, Jimmy wouldn't be necessary. He'd cease to matter, slowly but surely, once Kyle had someone who could love him back, who could be there for him and not screw everything he touched up. Kyle deserved so much more than Jimmy could ever offer; being around Jimmy just brought Kyle down by association. No, this was for the best for Kyle. And if he was going to lose Kyle soon anyway, it would hurt less if he pushed Kyle away first. Hit List was an easy target. He knew how important Hit List was to Kyle and how much work he'd put into it. None of this would have existed without him. But distance was his best option and he'd clearly hit a nerve. Kyle was still sensitive about his work since that disaster of that first reading.

Jimmy was struggling to focus on one thing right now. That reading was something else Jimmy could feel guilty about. He should never have put Kyle in that position. Instead of saying nothing, he should have said he didn't like it and then tacked on the reassurance that maybe he was missing something. Jimmy was sure that Kyle would have looked at again seriously and fixed it. But hey, he could just add it to the massive pile of regrets he already had. God, it was so hard to think straight when you were high. He was doing this so Kyle could have better. There were rumours Julia and Tom's partnership was in trouble; maybe Kyle could write with his new boyfriend. A complete partner; one who could give his brother everything he deserved. Best friend, lover and partner all rolled into one. He liberally laced as much sarcasm into his voice as he could manage as gave a few more claps for effect, each crack echoing in his heart as he burnt away the filaments that connected to Kyle. Maybe that would make this hurt less. "You wrote the text for a musical without any text. Congrats, Kyle!"

Okay, yeah, that hurt, pain and anger sparking together in the forefront of his mind. He was good at this now and Hit List was theirs. "Damn it Jimmy, you know that's not true! "My story, your songs. That's what we always agreed on."

With nausea roiling in the pit of his stomach and cold sweat trickling down the curve of his back, Jimmy shrugged dismissively and continued. "Actually we agreed on my songs, your scenes. Then your work sucked, so we cut all the scenes. I wrote more songs to fill the gaps. Great work, partner!" He capped off his words with a calculatedly sarcastic smile.

Tom had been observing quietly but that was enough! He could see how much that comment had hurt Kyle and his fragile hold over his exhausted control frayed. Besides, it wasn't as though there was going to be a good moment to quietly interject that he was going to leave to give them a little space. And he wasn't going to sneak out the door just past dawn without saying goodbye, as though he and Kyle were doing something wrong! So he may as well interrupt and take a minute right now. He stepped over to stand next to Kyle, close enough that their sides brushed together, offering his quiet support as he spoke directly to Kyle's best friend. "You were right about one thing, Jimmy. I am a Broadway composer. I know exactly how critical a book writer is; your melodies, your lyrics, they tell his story. His ideas." He raised his hand to Kyle's shoulder for emphasis. The gentle squeeze Tom added had nothing to with Jimmy; it was all comfort. "Without his work you'd have nothing." He let out a rush of air to try to cool his anger, wrangling his tone back into something approximating civility. "Now if you'll excuse us for a minute, Kyle and I were in the middle of something when you arrived." He turned his back to Jimmy, giving his full attention to Kyle.

Hopefully Jimmy would give them the minute Tom asked for without interrupting instead of making things worse. Kyle opened his mouth to speak frantically, apology streaming from his every pore. Some of the things Jimmy had said… Tom didn't deserve that. "Tom, I'm sorry about what he said. It isn't true, I really…"

Tom shook his head firmly, lifting his other hand to rest on Kyle's upper arm and giving his boyfriend a gentle squeeze. When Kyle's rush of words stopped in response to his movement, Tom spoke softly. "You don't have to apologise for him. I didn't believe him anyway." He wasn't going to take the word of a spiralling drug addict over Kyle's. Especially after last night.

Kyle smiled at him, relieved that Tom wasn't going to take Jimmy's word over his own, unlike his last boyfriend. He was still a little pissed off that Blake hadn't even asked him if it were true before leaving. It was but he still would have expected the benefit of the doubt long enough to answer himself. He whispered his words so only Tom could hear. "Thanks, Tom. He's just being a jerk because he's high. I do like you."

Tom smiled softly, deliberately ignoring Jimmy's fuming eyes burning metaphorical holes through his skull. He felt the intensity of Jimmy's glare increase at the dismissal. Apparently Jimmy didn't like sharing Kyle's attention. Well, that was too bad, Kyle was far too wonderful to be restricted by his best friend's selfishness and Tom wasn't feeling particularly charitable toward Jimmy after his recent words. Jimmy could wait one more minute. Tom bent slightly to murmur in Kyle's ear. "I like you too. But I think I'd better go. Um, he's not going to actually hurt you, right?" He pulled back to search Kyle's eyes as he responded.

Kyle replied immediately, shaking his head briefly as he spoke. "No, he won't hurt me. Not physically, anyway." Kyle trailed off with a helpless shrug. He couldn't vouch for Jimmy not hurting him emotionally. That ship had longed sailed. If it helped Jimmy get better, a little emotional pain would be more than worth it. "Anyway I'm sorry about ruining our breakfast plans. I promised you coffee." Despite the tense situation, Kyle couldn't help the grin that touched his lips as the scene from that morning swam into his mind.

Tom responded as softly. It was going to be a long day and he really did want coffee. Unfortunately this was far more important; Kyle couldn't help his best friend barging in on their morning. "Mmm, you did. How about you make it up to me over dinner. Tomorrow night?" Hey, if he wasn't going to get breakfast before being kicked out barely after dawn, he could at least try for another date. Hopefully one that would end more happily.

"I'd love to, Tom. I'll call you later." Waving his hand toward Jimmy, Kyle added "I should..." He really had to get back to Jimmy. Who had been amazingly patient. For Jimmy, anyway.

"Yeah, I know. Good luck." With a kiss goodbye that was far swifter than either of them wanted, Tom headed out the door. He was already looking forward to tomorrow evening.


	7. The confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hello my lovely readers! Here is your very timely update. Oh, wait... (I'm sorry. My damn hand is still not 100% even after surgery but it's recovering. Just more slowly than I'd like. And it turns out, long periods of enforced rest are a great trigger for writer's block.) But I'm still here, still writing and I'll keep doing the best I can to put out chapters at more reasonable intervals. At least it's an extra long chapter today because I didn't want to stop in the middle of the Kyle/Jimmy conversation. So, as always, thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy it and I'd love to hear from you! ~Rose
> 
> Warning: This is not a happy chapter, as you might have guessed from the title (or for that matter, from the chapters leading up to this one.) Jimmy is a mess and a spiralling drug addict and he's pretty close to rock bottom at this point. Unsurprisingly, it gets fairly dark. (Emotionally only. Not physically.) He has to get to the bottom before starting to recover but as it was hard to write, I still thought it warranted a warning in case anyone is concerned about reading that. I promise, it'll get better. But only after he's worked through it. It will take time, support and a whole lot of determination - sadly, there isn't any magic recovery pill for addiction.

Slamming his eyes shut, Kyle took a moment to steel his emotions as he faced the blank, uncaring door. The horizontal latch slashing across the painted wood was the perfect backdrop for the conversation he was about to have. Trapped with nowhere to go. And a drug-addled best friend to deal with. This was what he'd been hoping to avoid yesterday by not going to see Jimmy. Damn it! He'd probably have to repeat everything once Jimmy came back down. Well, there wasn't anything he could do that change that now. It wasn't like it was the first time Jimmy had ruined his well thought out plans. Nor, Kyle was sure, would it be the last.

Jimmy cut in sarcastically "Great, are you all done now? You could have just kicked him out, you know." Seriously, it had taken forever for that guy to get the hint and leave! It wasn't like Jimmy had been subtle about it and Tom Levitt was supposed to be smart. Brilliant Broadway composer his ass. Whatever, he had Kyle alone now. Jimmy just wanted to get this over with while he was still high enough to deal with it. He didn't want to think about how much it would hurt once the coke wore off.

Kyle turned back to Jimmy and bit out heated words. "He's my boyfriend. I wasn't going to throw him out of my apartment as though he meant nothing to me!" Tom deserved better than that. Which Jimmy had obviously appreciated to some degree because he hadn't interrupted them. Usually this was the point when Jimmy realised he'd gone way too far and started apologising. So why was he doing this?

He chuckled darkly, all humour leeched from the sound. "Whatever Kyle. I thought I was the dysfunctional one out of the two of us. Guess not."

Kyle let the words wash over him. Jimmy really wasn't in a position to judge and after what he'd already said, that remark only faintly increased Kyle's current irritation. "I never pretended to be perfect. Yes, I screwed up. Because of it, Blake dumped me and I might still get crucified by gossip mags and social media. I'll deal with that if and when it happens." He took a deep breath. "But this isn't about what I did."

Jimmy interjected with a snicker "No, it's about who you did."

Kyle didn't dignify that comment with a response. "Enough, Jimmy. It's not about me at all. It's about you." He paused for a second, taking a deep breath and trying to figure out where to start. He couldn't afford to mess this up. "Uh, let's sit down."

Jimmy's blood cooled as icy dread fractured deep into his heart. He'd thought this would be easier, getting Kyle so mad that he'd end their friendship. But now, seeing the pain, anger and determination whirring in Kyle's eyes, Jimmy didn't want things to end. He wasn't sure he could handle that. He shut his eyes for a moment, barely giving himself longer than a blink to lock his emotions as deep down as possible. It was easier when he couldn't see the expression on Kyle's face. It didn't matter what this did to him. It was for Kyle. He could do this, for Kyle. "I don't need to sit down." He wasn't a child. He could handle a difficult situation without getting weak knees. Even if cutting Kyle out of his life was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.

"Fine, Jimmy." Kyle affixed him with a serious look, keeping his words collected and strong. "We can't keep going on like this. Something has to change."

Jimmy focused on the coke rushing through his veins, letting it dull the agony of what he knew Kyle was about to do. Then he rolled his eyes and pretended this was the same as every time he'd heard Kyle say those words before. Getting Jimmy out of his life would save Kyle from so much more pain in the long run. Yet Jimmy knew Kyle too well to think he'd easily accept being pushed away for his own good. He had to respond the way Kyle would expect, in anger and selfishness, had to make Kyle feel as though he had no choice. That would make it easier for Kyle to justify his actions to himself and that would be Jimmy's parting gift to his brother. A clear conscience and with it, the opportunity to live the wonderful, sunlit life Kyle deserved. "Not this again, Kyle." He rolled the words off his tongue, dragging out each syllable in evident dismissal. "I'm fine."

Kyle wrenched his mind away from the embers of his anger over Jimmy's actions last night and this morning. They didn't matter this instant. Kyle had to get this right. For both of their sakes. "You're high. That's not fine. Last night wasn't fine."

"Oh, that's right, you fired me." That betrayal had sliced deep at his heart. He'd learnt a longtime ago that the people he loved giving up on him was inevitable. It was just that he'd always hoped Kyle would be different. He should have remembered that no one ever was, that he didn't deserve anyone to feel that way about him. Jimmy bit down on his mangled cheek again, the physical pain the anchor he needed to push away his bubbling anguish. He couldn't feel the emotional torment while his mind was immersed in screaming about the ragged, broken skin. And if a few tears welled up behind his eyes, well, Jimmy could blame those on his teeth too. Jimmy tilted his lips dazedly, the upturn not quite making it to his eyes without any genuine emotion to support it. Still, combined with bitter sarcasm and all the acting he'd been doing recently it was probably passable. "Yeah, thanks for having my back, bro. I really felt the unwavering support." It wouldn't hurt to remind Kyle of his horrible words during the incident last night.

"That was Derek." Not that Kyle had disagreed. Jimmy was out of control and Derek was only trying to protect the show. As the director, Derek had a responsibility to make sure that no-one on stage was a liability that would put everyone else in danger. He'd had no choice but to fire Jimmy after what had happened to Karen last night. Not to mention that Jimmy would ruin his own reputation if he did anything that made it obvious he was high in public, or far worse, on stage. They were incredibly lucky that hadn't already happened, as Derek was well aware. As things stood, if Jimmy could get his life back together, it wouldn't affect his future career prospects. But one more slip and that would most likely change. So no, Kyle didn't disagree with firing Jimmy. That didn't mean he didn't have Jimmy's back. Unfortunately, Kyle doubted the nuances of his reasoning would get through to Jimmy at this particular moment. He'd just have to choose his words as carefully as he could. "I do have your back, Jimmy. And I'm telling you that you need help." Locking eyes with Jimmy, Kyle tried to convey his determination. And his enduring support. He just had no idea if Jimmy was capable of reading either in his current condition.

There wasn't enough help in the world for him. He'd been screwed from the moment he was born. What had he expected with DNA like his? But Kyle could still get out. As long as Jimmy was strong enough. "What, writing a musical wasn't enough for you?"

"Your work on Hit List was amazing." He carefully stepped closer, though he kept his arms at his side. He didn't think Jimmy would respond well to physical contact when he was a few sentences from an ultimatum. Instead he poured each emotion into his eyes, stripping away every filter he held against the world and hoping Jimmy was sober enough to see the truth reflected in his irises. "I am so proud of you and what we achieved together. But no, it isn't enough when your drug use is taking over your life." He wasn't even going to bother mentioning that casual drug use wasn't okay either. "You're addicted, Jimmy. And I can't stand here anymore and pretend that we can keep going on like this."

Oh God, Kyle really going to kick him out. Jimmy's mind went blank with panic. It was what he'd been aiming for but somehow he hadn't really thought it would work. A part of him had desperately hoped it wouldn't work. Not matter what he said. Maybe if he just apologised... that had always been enough before. And if it wasn't, well, Jimmy gnashed his teeth together, refreshing the bitter copper-flavoured blood on his tongue. If it didn't work then at least it would be exactly what Kyle would be expecting. "I'm sorry, alright? I'll do better this time. I promise."

"I'm sorry too, Jimmy. So sorry." Kyle's voice wavered with pain as he tried to quell his tears. Doing this to Jimmy hurt so much but nothing else had worked. There was nothing left to do but let Jimmy help himself. "I've heard that too many times to believe it. I need you to prove it to me." His voice strengthened, each option darting out for Jimmy's perusal. "Go to rehab; see a psychiatrist; join Narcotics or Alcoholics Anonymous. Do something to help yourself." He bit his still quavering lip as he scanned Jimmy face for his response.

Maybe if he said he was sorry again… no. No, Jimmy thought with a vicious wrench at the all too weak part of him that wanted to fall to his knees and beg for forgiveness. It would be easier on his fragile heart-strings if they ended this on his terms. He'd learnt long ago that asking for forgiveness didn't work, even when you hadn't done anything wrong. Only this time he had done something to deserve punishment and Kyle deserved better than that. Better than him. "Or what? You know none of that crap will help."

"It will if you fight for it. If you get your act together, get real help to stop using, I will be there for you every step of the way." He straightened his spine, locking his muscles firm to support what he was about to do. He hated that it had come to this. One deep breath and Kyle spoke with firm determination, all trembling banished from his tone and expression. He'd managed to contain it to his hands, which were shaking at his side, tendons twitching against one another. But Jimmy wasn't looking at his hands. "Or you have to move out." Kyle's final words were hushed in their solemnity. "It's your choice."

Kyle's words were still ringing in his ears, repeating over and over again to the stuttering backdrop of his racing heart. Jimmy doubted he'd ever forget how his best friend sounded in that moment. The determined resignation in his eyes. The faint tremor that exposed how much Kyle cared. Someday this would have happened anyway; Kyle would have had enough despite his incredible capacity for forgiveness. All Jimmy had done was make sure that day was today. This was for Kyle. It was better if Jimmy were tossed aside, left to rot in that gutter Kyle had already pulled him out of once. It wasn't fair to expect Kyle to save him twice. Kyle would forget about him eventually, go on to live some glittering life in the dazzling lights of Broadway. And Jimmy, well, he'd be no more than a memory lurking in the shadows of Kyle's past life. Jimmy took a moment to dwell on his anger at Derek's actions last night, at Karen for giving up on him, his anger at his family for making him like this. He wasn't angry at Kyle. But he was angry enough at the world to pretend. "Screw you, Kyle. You're just like everyone else. If I'm not the person you want me to be than you couldn't be bothered to stick around."

"I love you, Jimmy. I don't want to do this." Kyle reached out his hand to Jimmy's shoulder, trying to reinforce his words with actions. He could only hope he got through to some part of Jimmy's drug-riddled mind.

Jimmy loved him too. More than he could say. That was why he had to set him free. Jimmy allowed himself to sink into the warm comfort of Kyle's touch one last time before pulling away with shaking arms. Jimmy would never forget what Kyle had given him. This was his chance to give it back. He didn't even have to pretend for his voice to crack over the words. "Then don't. I'll do better."

"I have to. I can't stand by and watch you destroy everything you are. You'll have to do that on your own." A few tears slipped steadily down Kyle's face as each word rushed out in pained sincerity. He dashed them away, hopeful determination filling his voice. "Or decide to fight to get better. Whenever you're ready to get clean, I'll be here. No matter how long that takes; no matter what you choose today. That's what brothers do." He could see how broken Jimmy was right now, tangled emotions lashing across his best friend's face no matter how well he thought he hid them. When Jimmy opened his mouth to respond, Kyle shook his head firmly. He didn't want Jimmy to make a choice like this while he was high. Kyle was terrified that if he let Jimmy do that, it would be the wrong one. "Please don't choose right now. I want you to think about it. It has to be your choice, Jimmy." He lifted his hand back up to Jimmy shoulder, pulling his best friend's stiff form into a brief embrace. "I need to go take care of our show and you need time to think. Just please, remember that I'm trying to help you. And that I love you, no matter what." He scrutinised Jimmy's tormented eyes until Jimmy nodded swiftly. One sharp motion of acknowledgement. Then, screwing his eyes shut, Kyle turned, his breath hitching as he strode to the door on shaking legs, grabbing his keys and jacket on the way. Luckily he hadn't unpacked his bag from yesterday so he didn't even have to think about gathering the rest of his things for the day. It made things easier.

It took everything Kyle had not to turn back and tell Jimmy that everything would be okay if he just stayed. As he lifted the latch on the apartment they shared and stepped across the threshold away from Jimmy for what might be the last time, Kyle had to remind himself that he couldn't fix Jimmy until Jimmy was ready to fix himself. It had to be Jimmy's choice. As the door thudded shut behind him with an awful creak, Kyle sagged back against it, his breathing ragged. He had to get out of here before he ran back into the apartment. Forcing air sharply out of his lungs, Kyle pushed away from the door, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other as each step struck harshly against the cement floor.

On autopilot, he scrabbled in his bag for his cell, rapidly dialling his boyfriend's number and lifting his cell to his ear with trembling fingers. Tom had only just left but Kyle didn't care that it might be too soon to call. There was a good chance he'd just ended a lifelong friendship and Kyle needed someone who cared about him to tell him it was going to be okay. The line connected after a single ring, making Kyle's spirits lift a little at the thought that Tom must have been waiting by his phone. Kyle let himself draw strength from Tom's worried greeting, feeling steadier already from Tom's voice saying his name. Kyle had done everything he could for his best friend. Now all he could do take was wait and take care of himself in the meantime. "Tom, hi."


	8. Where do we go from here?

With tears still stinging the back of his eyes, Kyle tapped his finger against his cell screen, hanging up the call. It hadn't been a long call, just a couple minutes; enough for him to take a breath and focus on something other than whether he'd just made a terrible mistake. Long enough for him to feel just a bit better, to fight back the tears he wanted to let out. He knew Tom had been concerned about Kyle's safety when he left, even though he trusted Kyle's opinion that Jimmy wouldn't harm him so it had been good to reassure him that Kyle was okay. Not fine, maybe, not good, but okay. Kyle had needed a moment's reassurance himself. Threatening to cut Jimmy off had been one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. And he could hardly go to the person he'd usually talk to about something like that - his best friend, Jimmy.

So he'd needed a minute. Taking that minute had allowed him to feel settled within himself at his actions now. It still ached but at least Kyle knew it had been the right thing to do. With a deep sigh, Kyle pushed the final remnants of his wrenching pain at what felt like betraying his best friend away. Kyle had done everything he could for Jimmy. He'd sacrified so much; given Jimmy more chances that he probably should have. He couldn't accommodate Jimmy like that any more. He desperately hoped the tough love approach he was trying would work. But if it didn't, Kyle couldn't afford to let Jimmy drag Kyle down with him in his spiral toward rock bottom. Kyle couldn't throw his own life away too. That sacrifice wasn't one he was willing to make for anything short of physically saving Jimmy's own. So no matter how guilty the thought made him feel, Jimmy would have to take that journey himself. As he could do was wait until Jimmy was ready to claw his way back out from the black hole he'd fashioned himself, one broken promise at a time. When Jimmy was ready to do that, when he was ready to take responsibility for his mistakes and work to get better, Kyle would be there. He would wait for Jimmy to be ready, even if it took years, and that thought was some wasn't anything else he could do until Jimmy was ready to help himself. Until then, Kyle had to live his life. So he'd better get himself down to MTW. There was work to do.

As he stepped through the threshold to MTW, his eyes drifted to the poster for Hit List and Jimmy's name writ bold across the shimmering weave. The sight off his brother's name written there sent a burst of realisation crashing into him as his eyes caught and held each letter. Adrenalin sharpened his mind, pouring determined strength into every muscle fibre and every nerve. He'd been wrong. There was something he could for Jimmy while he was waiting; one thing he could do before Jimmy was ready to get better. One thing that would matter even if Jimmy could never wrest his way out of that ever deepening black hole. Jimmy's legacy didn't have to just be the pain he'd caused and the tragedy of his addiction. He could make Hit List into a success, make that Jimmy's legacy to the world. It wasn't that Kyle didn't believe Jimmy was strong enough to beat his addiction. He did. Kyle was an optimist at heart and he genuinely believed Jimmy would recover to write his own legacy, living a happy successful life and writing hit musical after musical. When that happened, Kyle still wanted to have a successful Hit List ready for Jimmy to come back to. Kyle would show Jimmy how talented he really was, that he was worth so much more than his parents had ever let him aspire to.

Kyle desperately hoped he'd be able to show Jimmy that some day, and making hit List a success was a vital part of that strategy. But he'd also seen Jimmy like this too many times to blithely equate optimism with reality. There was a chance Jimmy would never write another musical, that he might never compose another note. There was no guarantee Jimmy would ever get better, no matter how long Kyle waited, ready to help at a moment's notice. He knew the potential Jimmy had but he couldn't know if his best friend would reach it. All he could do was give everything he had to make Hit List a success. For Jimmy. In light of that, Kyle would do whatever he had to do to get Hit List to Broadway. He wasn't going to take the first refusal as defeat. As quickly as Hit List had progressed, musicals usually took years to develop. Even Bombshell, the best Broadway musical he'd ever seen took two years to get to the bright lights of Broadway. No, he wasn't going to give up. He was going to make Hit List the best show it could be. For the brother the ravages of addiction might take away from him forever.

Once he was settled in the Hit List creative team meeting, Kyle observed the faces of the people around him closely. There were traces of despondency on everyone's faces, which was hardly surprising after the evening they'd had. He could see some determination written on Derek's face as well, mingled with exhaustion. It didn't look like he'd slept much more than Kyle had. Scott was busy muttering something about being short on cash for next years productions now. Apparently he'd been betting everything on Hit List being a success. Though they were still sold out until January, so it wasn't as though it was a complete failure. People obviously enjoyed the show. Kyle just had to figure out what they needed to do to get a producer to take a chance on them. Because there was no way he was going to let Jimmy down and fail to make their work the success he deserved.

Turning to Derek, Kyle enquired "Is Karen okay? She's usually here. Is she badly hurt after all?" He hadn't had time to catch Karen before having to dash in to the meeting but he'd thought her arm wasn't too badly injured the night before. Still, he'd been hoping to ask how she was this morning. Unfortunately, the extended talk with Jimmy had thrown that plan out the window. Unsurprisingly, he hadn't budgeted enough time for that. Nor the time it had taken him to calm down afterwards. He'd been running late and had dashed straight to Scott's office. Usually Karen was present at these meetings, as well as Jimmy as both lead and composer. Obviously Jimmy wouldn't be present this morning as composer, but Kyle had expected both the male and female leads to be there. The fact that she wasn't here worried Kyle. Then again, Sam wasn't either. Maybe she was helping him rehearse or something?

With relief, Derek shook his head and answered that. At least that was one piece of good news. "She's fine. Just a graze. I asked her to start rehearsing with Sam and Marissa. Sam needs as much rehearsal time as possible and both Karen and Marissa can tell him my direction for particular scenes. They're more valuable there than here this morning." Between Karen and their stage manager, Sam was in good hands. He'd learn a lot more rehearsing for an hour with those two than sitting in this meeting.

"Thank God." Good, Karen was fine. Then it was time for him to focus back on Hit List. They could discuss what to do next about Hit List whilst Karen and Sam took care of the most urgent problem - making sure they had a male lead. Sam was still on book so he'd have plenty to learn before Derek could step in to fine tune the direction to his liking. They were already open so there was a limit to the modifications they could really make until they reopened somewhere new. Preferably Broadway. But Derek would still want to make sure Sam had every detail of his direction down. It was simply that takeing an hour to sort out Hit List's future wouldn't prevent Derek from doing that. "So what do we do now? We still need a producer if we're going to get to Broadway."

That was interesting. Whatever had happened last night with Jimmy hadn't left Kyle distracted and upset. Instead he sounded more determined than ever. Like he wasn't gong to stop until he'd made Hit List a smash. "What we said we'd do. We get Sam off book and on stage. We need a functional show before we worry about the next step. We have to show the producers what they're missing."

Scott interrupted Derek before he could continue. He wanted the show to go to Broadway too but he was also concerned with more immediate matters. Every day they were closed was costing MTW money they didn't have refunding or rescheduling ticket holders with soothing discounts. "We're sold out and we have a responsibility to our ticket holders. How soon can we get him on stage and get running again?" They'd have to fit the ticket holders who'd missed out in somehow. They'd all be offered refunds, of course, and maybe they could use a few more house seats than they'd intended. The cast and crew would have to deal with that. Otherwise they'd just have to offer discounted tickets to those subscribers who were willing to wait until seats were free.

"I have a responsibility to make this show the best it can be. Sam's a professional and I could probably have him on stage doing an acceptable job in 24 hours. But..." He glared at Scott, his eyebrows drawing close together and eyes storming dangerously as the MTW director interrupted him. Again. He was getting tired of this. He knew what was best for the show. Scott didn't.

"Good, good. That's only two shows to reschedule. Tonight and tomorrow's matinée. We could have him back tomorrow night." He tapped his fingers on his desk in agitation as he thought about that compromise. It wasn't ideal. But most audience members would be willing to give them a day's grace when they announced that Jimmy had to leave the show due to personal health reasons. It was entirely true and they wouldn't elaborate, citing privacy concerns. Rumours would fly about Jimmy's drug use, but they'd survive. The show must go on! No matter the cost.

Derek shook his head firmly. He completely diagreed that the best plan was to put a half-ready Sam on stage. "No. There's no need to rush this. Sam can be off book and giving a decent performance in 24 hours but it won't be his best work. He's an incredible talent. If we give him a little more time it will be worth it." He thought there were a few of the younger members of the cast who probably needed the time to reflect as well. Some of the ensemble members were barely adults and it would be emotionally draining for them to see such a talented composer and lead succumb to his addictions. He'd have to keep a close eye on them, as well as Kyle, and have Karen and Marissa watch them too. He'd better have Marissa quietly offer the services of a counsellor to the cast and crew just in case. The last thing Derek wanted was to have any more preventable health issues taking down members of the cast!

"Is that really necessary?" They were a workshop. Surely it was better to have something on stage than nothing.

"We need to think long-term. We don't have a reputation as a troubled show so we can afford to go dark for a couple of days without being lambasted in the press. But, if we put the show back on with an unprepared lead, we're saying we're ready, fire away!" He finished with a sarcastic drawl. Sam was barely off book for the featured role they'd actually cast him in and Derek had to consider Sam's understudy for that part too. Anyway, Sam wasn't ready. Asking Sam to go on tomorrow night would be far worse than what he'd asked Karen to do, and people had thought he'd been crazy for doing that. He'd done it because it was a preview, she'd already known most of the songs and half the blocking and she was a star. Sam could be a star too, with the right role, but this was an open show. It was a disservice to Sam and would only hurt Hit List's chances if Derek put him on that stage when he was barely off book. He only started looking at Jesse's role last night. He knew the audition song and scene he read for, and that was about it, barring whatever material he'd managed to cram overnight. Derek suspected Sam had learnt a lot in that that time, but he still didn't know any of the blocking. None of the other songs. He had to learn the piano parts Jesse played live on stage too. They'd had to ensure the casting call specified at least intermediate piano playing skills and Sam was a decent enough player to play the part. Thankfully advanced skills weren't required since Jesse was composing the pieces as he played them. A little hesitancy or a slower than ideal speed were expected for someone writing as they went along. Incredible fluidity and brilliant interpretation of the music wasn't required but he'd still need a little time. If he wanted the producers to go ahead with it, he'd have to wow them. Hit List didn't have Bombshell's reputation. Closing for one weekend wouldn't label them troubled. Having a lackluster performance from their new male lead would.

Clearly he wasn't going to convince Derek. Scott turned to Kyle. He'd have a much better chance there. "Do you think it's a good idea to wait if Sam's ready? Don't you think we should have the show up and running as soon as possible?" He'd prefer to avoid telling the board he needed to borrow more money from next year's budget to cover being closed for a few days. That would make them likely to fire him. Even if Hit List recouped the money later on.

Kyle bit his lip tightly, scanning the faces of the men in front of him for the answer. Kyle wasn't entirely sure what the best approach was. But he was going to take the word of the double Tony winning director over the brand new, inexperienced theatre director of a downtown workshop. No offense to Scott, of course. But Derek had far more experience. He had to trust someone, and it was going to be Derek. "Yes. We're open; there's no previews where people withhold their judgment and at least pretend to forgive minor errors. He'll be reviewed as soon as he gets on stage." If he was going to get this to Broadway, he needed to make the reviews the best possible. Timing was on their side. It was Friday and they'd be dark on Monday as normal anyway, so by cancelling four shows instead of two, they could give Sam until Tuesday night. If he was as good as Derek said, that would be more than enough time for him to make Jesse his own. And that was what Kyle needed him to do.

"Don't worry, Kyle, I'll work with him and he'll be more than ready. It'll be worth it." With's Kyle approval he didn't need Scott's. Especially since he had a suspicion Kyle would be speaking for Jimmy for quite some time. Unless Jimmy managed to get his life together. Unfortunately, Derek wasn't sure that was possible. With finality written all over his face, Derek turned to Scott with steel in his voice and reiterated, "We reopen Tuesday. End of story."

Scott knew when he was defeated. He'd been hoping he could sway the young Kyle to his side but apparently Derek had been more convincing. "Fine, fine."

He'd better change the subject. Clearly those two weren't happy with each other, though Derek was obviously more satisfied that he'd won this round. He'd just stay out of that. Now that they had the most immediate concerns for Hit List's future sorted, he wanted to know what was next. "Great, Tuesday it is. But what about Broadway? Is that still an option?" Kyle searched Derek's face for the answer as he held his breath, every second ticking past feeling like an eternity. For Jimmy, the answer had to be yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Hello my lovely readers! Sorry it took so long - I didn't have initial instinct planned out as well as H & H so it took a while longer to get back into the swing of writing it once my hand recovered. But it's planned out now, so I should be able to post reasonably regularly. Thanks for reading - I hope you enjoyed it and I'd love to hear from you! Cheers, Rose


	9. Dreams of Broadway

Derek mulled over Kyle's question carefully, his brow creasing with his intense focus. Was Broadway an option? Last night he'd thought it was over. He'd never considered the possibility Hit List wouldn't make it to Broadway and so he'd been stunned by the lack of interest from every producer he knew. But now, after he'd slept for a few hours and sobered up, he'd realised that it wasn't over. They hadn't got Bombshell to Broadway on the first try either. No matter how despondent the multitude of refusals had left him last night, it was far too early to throw in the towel. Especially with the determination written bold across Kyle's face. The young writer was obviously ready to do what he needed to help Derek transfer Hit List. Derek expected things would go more smoothly without Jimmy there too. Kyle hadn't said where his best friend was this morning, but from the desperate place Jimmy had been in last night, Derek doubted it was anywhere good. Nor anywhere near Hit List for the foreseeable future. So yes, Broadway was an option. "I'm not giving up yet. I want to see what Sam brings to Jesse's part as a fully trained actor. And there's always next season."

Despite how things had ended, Kyle was still protective of his best friend's talent; still proud of what he'd achieved. Jimmy had been wonderful. Right up until he spiralled down into addiction. Only time would tell how long it would take Jimmy to get out of that. But it didn't change the facts. Protective defensiveness creeping over his face, Kyle said insistently, "Jimmy was fantastic."

"He injured our lead actress and put everyone on that stage at risk." Scott didn't even want to think about the workplace liability if someone had been seriously injured and it had come to light that they'd hired an untrained actor. Worse, an untrained actor who they had to pay under the table because he didn't even have a social security number. That would not go down well the attorney of any injured cast or crew member.

Well, not exactly fantastic. Derek agreed that Jimmy was a fantastic composer but he wouldn't have won any awards for his portrayal of Jesse. "Unreliability aside, his voice is first rate and he's a good actor and dancer. Great, even, considering that he hasn't been trained. He has a lot of potential if he wants to put in the work. But he isn't there yet." Too often, he could tell it was Jimmy standing on that stage, not Jesse. Sometimes the audience would have noticed that and if they got to Broadway, the Tony committee certainly would. Jimmy would not be nominated for any acting awards. But he had done a good job. Jimmy's chemistry with Karen on and, Derek glowered to himself, off-stage had been excellent. It was obvious Jimmy had lived through some of the same pain Jesse had and was able to infuse some of those experiences into Jesse. That made his character portrayal believable enough even without the requisite training and combined with his excellent voice, Derek had been willing to put Jimmy on stage. But Jimmy was very, very green. Sam was a professional. He would put his own interpretation on Jesse, considering Derek's artistic view heavily in that portrayal and he'd play Jesse the way he'd been written. All eight performances a week.

A frown etched itself between Kyle's tired eyes. "But you said the producers loved Jimmy. Do you really think Sam's interpretation of Jesse will change their minds?"

"Not by itself. They loved Jimmy; especially his voice and his look. I think they'll love Sam's performance too, but I doubt it'll be enough." Sam would stay in character. He wouldn't shrug at the audience; every move would be appropriately choreographed and consistent from night to night. Sam's voice was first rate too, as were his dancing and his acting. Sam's lead would help the show, though Derek wasn't sure the change would get them transferred. Derek wasn't done yet though. It had been overconfident of him to expect he'd take a completely unknown writing team, unknown and in Jimmy's case, untrained leads from a 200 seat theatre to Broadway without any hiccups. Especially when practically everyone making their Broadway debut. It would be a relief to have Sam for the experience alone as only the second of his featured or leads with experience on Broadway, even if it was only in the ensemble. Even that was more than he could say for most of the rest of the cast. Or the crew, for that matter. Even their MTW publicist was only used to peddling works in progress to investors and was satisfied with keeping the lights on at a non-profit workshop, not enticing producers to commit to multimillion dollar Broadway investments. With hard work, Derek could still get Hit List to Broadway. Even if he doubted he had enough time to change anyone's mind this season. Not without something huge.

A frown matching Kyle's wrote itself on Scott's face as he asked "What are you proposing?" "What are you proposing?" He hoped it wasn't an advertising blitz to garner increased attention. They definitely didn't have the money for that!

Derek swiftly explained his plan. "We'll need Richard Francis to write us another article." Hopefully that would tip the risk/reward scales of their investment in their favour and overcome the inexperience in the cast and lack of a star. His cast were incredible and were stars of the future but they weren't there yet. Actually, that was something he really ought to reconsider. Signing a star as the Diva like he'd originally intended would probably be enough to get them to Broadway before the ink on her newly-minted contract was dry. Unfortunately, Derek doubted Kyle would want to override Jimmy's firm refusal of that idea. As kind-hearted as the kid was, Kyle probably wouldn't want to fire Ana either. And of course, Derek had other personal reasons to want to replace Ana with a star. It was better than replacing her with Daisy Parker. Maybe Derek would consider it for a moment and continue to discuss their other options while he pondered how much of his idea was wrought from long nights worrying about what he was going to do about Daisy's blackmail and how much was about what was best for the show.

Kyle was confused how that was going to work, and his puzzlement was pouring into his tone. "But we've already opened and he's already reviewed it. He can't just review it again." If they'd moved to Broadway, then the press could review it again. But not when they hadn't gone anywhere.

"Not exactly. But he can write about our change in leads." It would help. The question Derek couldn't answer was whether it would get them transferred in the next couple of weeks. That was all the time they had left this season. They'd have to work fast.

Pensively, Scott responded; "And you think he'll write a rave review instead."

"I think he'll write what we need him to. Richard Francis isn't stupid. He wants Hit List to go Broadway and he'll know exactly why we've asked him back. He'll write something to help us." He was counting on it. Maybe that would be enough. He wouldn't be holding his breath. The NYT editor had already written them a rave review. The producers would have been aware of that. He wasn't sure how much a second would do.

"Derek, are you sure?" Kyle's voice was painfully earnest, all artifice stripped from his tone. Kyle wanted to believe it would work. He wanted to believe he could make this show Jimmy's legacy. Or, in an ideal world, the first show of long, much acclaimed, legacy. Either way, he had to make this work. For Jimmy. Having it written that he and Jimmy definitely had a future writing musicals and were occasionally brilliant had been amazing but it wasn't enough. Yet Kyle wasn't sure how much more Richard Francis could say. Especially when the article would ostensibly be about Sam and the change of leads. So how would Derek's plan work?

"He made it clear he thought Hit List was a vibrant, new musical that matched Bombshell. Bombshell is currently the leading show in line for the Tonys this season. So yes, I'm sure. I want all the producers to be reminded they're basically assured of a hit review from the Times." Derek probably should have remembered that without an experienced publicist, he might have to remind producers of things like that himself. Usually he didn't have to do the hard sell on producers - that wasn't his job. But when he was by far the most experienced person involved in Hit List, and if he wanted his little downtown sojourn to be the artistic triumph it deserved to be, Derek was obviously going to have to do more of the work himself. Hit List was too good not to transfer. Once a producer of note had picked it up, they'd have their own people in place to take care of those kinds of things, like was used to. Until then, Derek was going to have to do it himself.

Kyle still wasn't all that enthused about this plan... "Shouldn't it have done that before?" Logically, the producers must have seen Richard Francis' review before coming. He couldn't imagine any producer worth their time would have failed to read the reviews before attending a performance. If the New York Times editor was going to sway them, he should have already done so.

"If it was going to work by itself, probably. But we don't have an experienced publicist to cast the show in the best possible light and drum into the producers' heads that Richard Francis would be absolutely on board. It's worth a try and we want to give the producers as many reasons as possible to transfer us." He was not going to be the double Tony award winning director who left a production heading to Broadway for downtown failure! He was going to be the director who could turn even a half-finished play at the Fringe into a smash in a matter of months. It would be the greatest achievement of his career! Besides, Kyle and Jimmy deserved it. Their work was too good not to open to the bright lights of Broadway.

"What then? Wait for someone to change their mind?" Scott really didn't think that was going to work. Nor could he afford for someone to take too much time doing that.

"Not exactly. I'll have to woo them." He turned his shrewd gaze upon Kyle. "I'm going to need your help with that, Kyle." That was probably another advantage of Jimmy going AWOL. He did not want Jimmy's acerbic at the best of the times nature anywhere near him when he was trying to sweet talk producers. The political machinations involved had never been Derek's strong suit in the first place and if he was going to succeed, Kyle's easy gregariousness and smiles would get them much further than Jimmy's pouts.

"Of course. Anything." Within reason, of course. But there wasn't much he wasn't willing to do when he was doing this because his best friend couldn't. He had to make it work for both of them. And Kyle doubted Derek would ask him anything inappropriate.

Derek's nod was decisive. That problem was solved. Only a hundred more to go. "Good. Once we have the Times article, I want to go talk to them one by one. I think having them all here at once was a mistake. It seems to have reinforced their concerns about any issues the show might have with the uptown crowd." He was sure he'd seen Agnes chatting to some of the other producers too. He doubted she'd had kind words to say and that kind of negativity might have been enough to tip someone who'd been even the slightest bit hesitant over into refusal. He'd have a much better chance without anyone attempting to deliberately derail his efforts.

"Do you think it's an issue? Is it too dark?" Kyle had thought they were okay. But maybe he was remembering it better than it actually was. But no, surely a death wasn't a drastic issue for a Broadway crowd. Bombshell had a suicide, for God's sake!

"Not at all. There's plenty of dark, edgy musicals in the past that have been huge hits. A murderous crime of passion isn't a problem." Everyone dying like Kyle had originally suggested when he'd first become their editor, sure. That was too dark and too edgy. But one really good death wasn't.

Kyle clamped down on his nervously twitching thigh, forcing his sole to settle calmly on the floor instead of bounding on the ball of his foot. Maybe that coffee he'd had was too much. "And if it still doesn't get picked up?" That was a legitimate concern. But, Kyle reminded himself it still wasn't over. Yes, he wanted them to transfer this season. But he could still fulfill that promise he'd made to himself about getting Jimmy's name in lights even if Hit List didn't. He had time. For Jimmy, he had all the time in the world.

"If it doesn't get picked up in the next couple of weeks then we finished the season downtown and look to do out of town tryouts next season. Maybe open late that season or the next." He wasn't sure if he should add this, since he had his own ulterior motives. But it was true that they needed something big to convince someone to take a chance on them. With a heavy heart, Derek added "Or we consider casting a star as the Diva again." He'd been thinking it over and it really was by far the best shot Hit List had of getting to Broadway this season. But it didn't hurt that it would fix the brewing storm he had with Daisy. He had a sinking feeling she would not rise above blackmailing him to get the understudy part he'd so stupidly offered in return for sexual favours. He hadn't actually thought she'd accept! He wasn't sure she'd be willing to stop at understudy either and if he cast a star as the Diva, no producer in their right mind would let Daisy replace her. Nor were they likely to consider replacement of the other lead role, having just replaced the male lead and both featured male and female roles. There was such a thing as too much change and it would look like they were afraid of something. He didn't quite think Daisy could pull off Amanda's initial innocence the way Karen could either. So Karen would be safe. Ana, on the other hand... well, she'd have to keep waiting for her turn.

His refusal was immediate and heartfelt. "No. I don't want to do that to Ana." They hadn't always got along when it came to Jimmy, but Ana was a good person, and a wonderful actress. She deserved better than to be cast aside for a star.

Derek had expected that swift negative response. He might still be able to persuade Kyle it wasn't necessarily the right one. "She'll get another role." Far more easily than she would if she were replaced by another unknown actress like Daisy Parker. Derek knew all to well if that happened, Ana would eventually get back on her feet but it would be a long time before she got a real audition. He knew as a director himself that he would have trouble taking an actress who'd been fired in the previews for her first featured Broadway role without any public explanation seriously. She would not be getting a call back. Most likely, her agent wouldn't even be able to get her invited to the audition in the first place. But, if Ana was replaced by another star, she'd be fine. It wouldn't be viewed by other directors as her fault. It would just be considered politics, good business to draw in the crowd and bad luck for Ana. Especially since everyone would know Hit List hadn't been picked up immediately. Casting a star would be considered a perfectly normal next step to try to get Hit List to Broadway and Ana's career would be mostly unaffected. Derek doubted she'd want to stay on as the sister in Hit List but she wouldn't have any problem getting into the ensemble of another show immediately. If he intervened and gave her the referral she deserved, she'd probably get another featured part before the year was out. It would be better for everyone. Including him.

Yeah, no Kyle still wasn't convinced. His voice raised a touch in volume with his animated conviction. "We literally wrote the part for her. She deserves to play it!"

Unless she was willing to keep playing it to 200 seats downtown, it didn't matter what she deserved. "Actors get replaced with stars all the time. They bring in an audience. Ana will understand and she'll wait her turn. She is a talented girl; it'll come soon enough."

"Even if she understands, she'll be devastated!" He still couldn't keep the emotion at how unfair that would be from pouring out of his eyes.

Derek fixed Kyle with a steady gaze as he drawled honestly, "If you want Hit List to go to Broadway this season, it's our best shot. I was hoping to get it there on the material alone, but I don't think that's going to happen. We just don't have time. We need something to get the producers' attention. Think about it."

There was one other thing he was seriously concerned about. Even if he was contemplating the morality of replacing Ana if it meant he could get Jimmy's show open. "It's not what Jimmy wanted." And what was the point of getting Jimmy's name in lights for a show with an artistic direction Jimmy hated?

"I know. But I thought you liked the idea. I think it is the best thing for the show. Honestly, Kyle, without this, I doubt I can get it to Broadway this season. We'll probably have to do out of town tryouts next season and hope for the best."

"Do you really think it would work? A star?" Scott had been watching the conversation carefully. He had no qualms firing Ana if it meant getting the show, and his career, firmly off the ground.

"Yes, I do. I still believe it would be a big coup to cast a real life star as the Diva. There were definitely a few producers that really liked the show but this is a business decision to them. They're worried they might not sell enough tickets because the show is too dark and practically everyone is making their Broadway debut. Adding a star's ticket selling power to Hit List's fantastic energy, music and story will get us to Broadway this season. I'm almost certain of it." Nothing was ever one hundred percent certain in this industry. But Derek had every expectation that if he signed a star for the Diva, he'd have a contract with a producer the very next day. All Hit List needed was a little extra something to make it stand out. After that, it would speak for itself.

As much as he hated what it would do to Ana, he had to consider the possibility for Jimmy. There was very little he wouldn't sacrifice for his best friend and he'd only known Ana for a few months. She just didn't mean as much to him as Jimmy's lifelong friendship did. Deep down, he knew Derek was right that it happened all the time and would be the best chance to get Hit List on Broadway. Kyle knew it was just business. . "I have to think about it. I'd like to see if we can change anyone's mind without firing Ana and doing something Jimmy didn't want." Even if Kyle had thought it was a cool idea. Having a star in his show. It still astounded him that a star would be willing to appear in his show and it did send a flicker of excitement zinging through his veins. But he wasn't sure he could do that to Ana. Nor was he sure he wanted a fix that Jimmy had explicitly said he didn't agree with.

Derek carefully observed the faces of the men in front of him. Scott was sold on the idea, that was evident. The MTW director was more interested in the wellbeing of the show than it's constituents. Kyle, on the other hand, well, Derek could see he wasn't sure. And Derek wasn't willing to explain further why Ana was unlikely to keep the role even if they got to Broadway without hiring a star. So for now, he'd go with what Kyle wanted and let the younger man take his time. They had a few days to decide. "Right, I'll ask Richard to come back on Tuesday night." They had plenty of time to run a few full dress rehearsals and have Sam's performance pitch perfect by his first night. "But if no-one commits after that, we have to consider it. Look, Kyle, it took Leigh Conroy to get Bombshell to Broadway, even with all of the other talent there." Including some truly fantastic choreography, if he did say so himself. "Without a star now, you still run the risk of having to cast one in a year or two anyway to get it to Broadway." He wanted to make sure Kyle made an informed decision.

Scott uttered simply "Great. Let me know when Sam's ready to run a full rehearsal. I'd like to see his performance." He wanted to make certain Sam was the right man for the job. And he needed to be able to reassure his board that the new lead for their flagship show was excellent. There had been murmurings of discontent that they hadn't been consulted about the decision to replace Jimmy in the first place. It would be good to let them know everything was in good hands.

Mindful that Derek really needed to get back to rehearsing in Sam, Kyle kept his reply brief. There wasn't much more to say until he'd really considered all of the ramifications of either choice. "I will think about it. Thanks Derek."

"You're welcome." Wanting to offer a little reassurance in light of the memory of how nerve-wracking it had been trying to get his own first show open, Derek added "Kyle, we will get this to Broadway. Even if it takes a little longer than we originally planned." And with that, he stood, acknowledging Kyle's grateful smile with a nod. They had precious little of that as it was. Now that he'd taken care of the immediate plans for Hit List's future, Derek needed to get back to making sure the show itself was in good shape. He had his work cut out for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Hi everyone! Thanks for reading. It was a long chapter today that takes us past 20,000 words of text (last chapter was just short of this mark) and I'd love to hear what you thought! Feedback is a wonderful thing :-) Cheers, Rose


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